Crushed.
I suppose that people who are young never get to intake what elders get to experience. I suppose anyone who isn't up to par with the elders isn't good enough to be treated with real respect. There is no real respect taken into consideration when you're under a certain maturity. And I suppose I am under that bar. This is the bar that defines whether you get respect and dignity and pride, and whether you do not. And I do not. You cannnot honestly stand and tell me that I cross this bar because I have not seen one opportunity where this measurement has been tooken into thought. Why would human make us suffer so hard at such a young age, why do they want to prevent depression in youngers if they are only trying to provoke the pain we have. Why are there so many expectations for us to have an outgoing, optomistic attitude towards life, if there is nothing during the present to look forward to. I can understand, why people advise you to keep it up so when you get older, it will pay off. It's just extremely hard when you see everyone living the life at this age.. and not having it at all yourself.
It's so sad, you know? To live your whole life having the same handicaps throughout the whole period. The whole entire span of your life, slowly walk by you, and show you how unsuccessful and pathetic you are, and what you could have been if you had only had the same opportunity as others. What are you supposed to do when you aren't given that opportunity? Are you supposed to try harder? Or not care? Or let it go, and work towards the future? It's quite impossible to be around people and not compare yourself every single day.
So must you just isolate yourself from everyone who is better? It seems thats the only thing life is letting me do. It seems that life is not going to give me a break, and it will continue to teach me its ways of solitude and lonliness and isolation. There aren't people that have the same exact situation. And if there are, what do you learn from them? What is the point of all this? Life is not giving me an option. And I don't see why I always have to make the decision. Why can't anything just fall on my lap, thats good. I could possibly be optomistic if there was one reason to be. I'm sorry, but I cannot find one. This talk is so tiring. I only wish someone would listen to these words though.
Maybe, perhaps if once, someone listened to me, I might feel a little more incouraged to go on. But considering there is no chance in that happening. I must explain to my self, I no longer need human contact. Nothing satisfys me, and the things that do only let me down. (people)
This basically gives me no choice.
I'm living alone, no matter who I am with.
All alone.
Us younger ones cannot expect satisfaction from anything we do. We are too emotionally undeveloped to ever comprehend how to put ourselves in a situation where we feel pleasure, long-term. Therefore, we shall not allow ourselves to feel. If everything be our fault, we shall disclude ourselves from everything so the only thing we can fail is ourselves, which, to me, is not as bad as disappointing another.
//-\\.~.Goodbye, Goodnight.~.//-\\