(no subject)
"The girl's name Molly is pronounced MAH-lee. It is of Irish origin. Ppet form of Mary (Latin) "star of the sea". In use since the late Middle Ages. In the past, "moll" had meant a prostitue or a gangster's girlfriend, making the use of this name uncommon."
I get into the worst things when I am bored and can't sleep.
I'm probably dropping out of A Chorus Line. Seems like the right thing to do, seeing as how I haven't been to school in a week (let alone out of my house) and I've missed all three of my rehearsals.
I'm so over high school.
I'm so over a lot of things, but I don't know how to talk about it. Half the time I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs until I'm hoarse and the other half I don't feel anything. If I do feel anything, it's the impulse to do something rash, but even then I feel so... empty. It's more of extremely inappropriate 'what if...?' statements, or 'would this make me feel?' But, not safe, healthy, or condusive to, you know, living.
Not that what I'm doing right now is anything all that close to living. Seriously, I've been reading the dictionary. If you think I'm kidding, come into my room right now and you will find 3 different dictionaries on my bed. Not that I've exhausted them, or that I'm actually going through page by page... I can't focus on the insane load of homework I have to get done, not to mention the stuff that I haven't finished from my original junior year. My mom won't get off my back about it no matter how I approach her, and the constant harping makes it a chore... it's difficult enough as it is without having to deal with the constant reminder of my failure.
I just... there are moments when my chest literally hurts inside... those would be the scream until I'm hoarse moments, because it feels like something is actually in there and I want it out. And then I can feel it in my throat, like my brain is just daring me to do it.
I'm actually having one of those moments right now. And I'm just so sick of this. I'm so sick of my mom not understanding, not trying to understand anymore. And I know that isn't fair, because she is, but she'll say things that make me feel like I'm better off laying in a bed for the rest of my life. I just feel like such a failure.
I want to be who I was before all of this. Or someone else completely.
Someone else completely sounds really nice right now. As long as I'm not me.
I get into the worst things when I am bored and can't sleep.
I'm probably dropping out of A Chorus Line. Seems like the right thing to do, seeing as how I haven't been to school in a week (let alone out of my house) and I've missed all three of my rehearsals.
I'm so over high school.
I'm so over a lot of things, but I don't know how to talk about it. Half the time I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs until I'm hoarse and the other half I don't feel anything. If I do feel anything, it's the impulse to do something rash, but even then I feel so... empty. It's more of extremely inappropriate 'what if...?' statements, or 'would this make me feel?' But, not safe, healthy, or condusive to, you know, living.
Not that what I'm doing right now is anything all that close to living. Seriously, I've been reading the dictionary. If you think I'm kidding, come into my room right now and you will find 3 different dictionaries on my bed. Not that I've exhausted them, or that I'm actually going through page by page... I can't focus on the insane load of homework I have to get done, not to mention the stuff that I haven't finished from my original junior year. My mom won't get off my back about it no matter how I approach her, and the constant harping makes it a chore... it's difficult enough as it is without having to deal with the constant reminder of my failure.
I just... there are moments when my chest literally hurts inside... those would be the scream until I'm hoarse moments, because it feels like something is actually in there and I want it out. And then I can feel it in my throat, like my brain is just daring me to do it.
I'm actually having one of those moments right now. And I'm just so sick of this. I'm so sick of my mom not understanding, not trying to understand anymore. And I know that isn't fair, because she is, but she'll say things that make me feel like I'm better off laying in a bed for the rest of my life. I just feel like such a failure.
I want to be who I was before all of this. Or someone else completely.
Someone else completely sounds really nice right now. As long as I'm not me.