it's almost an epiphany when you realize that they're all right, you can do so much better
Who is this person that I pretend to be? I hide the pain... I hide the anguish, I hide the things that hurt me the most... right here.
Why do I keep doing this to myself, it's too hard.
He hurt me. He'll do it again and what do I get out of it? HURT
sigh... not enough strength to do it again. The self doubt, the lowering of my self esteem just to build his up.
The relationship was about what HE could get from ME. Nothing more... I was of no importance whatsoever and it seems... that that will never change... he will never mature. He will never want to be with me the way I wanted to be with him.
Is a relationship not a meet halfway?
I feel as if I'm bending out of my way to meet him. And I'm sick of it. I'm not going to do it anymore. No more. There is only so much that you can bend before you break... and I don;t want to find out what it means to break.
I don't want that lesson to come from him, because that's giving him too much credit and that's also giving him control over MY emotions and I've given him that before... he was not careful nor caring with them.
Once a scrub, always a scrub. And that's what I have to always remember.
I CAN DO BETTER!
I'm making this a public entry because I WANT to remember. Don't let me forget... I'm not going to fool myself again.
P>S> Let me make this 100% clear.... It is all you... it's not me.... It has nothing to do with your... personality or your 'wicked wicked ways....' it has everything to do with the way you treat me. I liked you. But you ruined it. Way to go, I'm sure you can somehow warp this so it works for you. But the truth is... you don't know how to have a relationship. You don't know anything but selfishness... good luck to you buddy, because your life is not going to be easy as far as relationships are concerned... because you don't understand that having someone is a prevoledge. They are not there to entertain you. learn it man and learn it soon.
Why do I keep doing this to myself, it's too hard.
He hurt me. He'll do it again and what do I get out of it? HURT
sigh... not enough strength to do it again. The self doubt, the lowering of my self esteem just to build his up.
The relationship was about what HE could get from ME. Nothing more... I was of no importance whatsoever and it seems... that that will never change... he will never mature. He will never want to be with me the way I wanted to be with him.
Is a relationship not a meet halfway?
I feel as if I'm bending out of my way to meet him. And I'm sick of it. I'm not going to do it anymore. No more. There is only so much that you can bend before you break... and I don;t want to find out what it means to break.
I don't want that lesson to come from him, because that's giving him too much credit and that's also giving him control over MY emotions and I've given him that before... he was not careful nor caring with them.
Once a scrub, always a scrub. And that's what I have to always remember.
I CAN DO BETTER!
I'm making this a public entry because I WANT to remember. Don't let me forget... I'm not going to fool myself again.
P>S> Let me make this 100% clear.... It is all you... it's not me.... It has nothing to do with your... personality or your 'wicked wicked ways....' it has everything to do with the way you treat me. I liked you. But you ruined it. Way to go, I'm sure you can somehow warp this so it works for you. But the truth is... you don't know how to have a relationship. You don't know anything but selfishness... good luck to you buddy, because your life is not going to be easy as far as relationships are concerned... because you don't understand that having someone is a prevoledge. They are not there to entertain you. learn it man and learn it soon.