Okay, I assumed wrong
I absolutely loved it that I went to Casa tonight. I hung out with the Soul Stompers and Mike's until the bar closed. I texted my keyboardist for a 2nd venue, see and they went to us instead and I got to see Wendel <3. He just got back from the States. I liked that Mike was upset, and I liked it that he was getting really smashed, but look here, when this guy turns that way he's 120% honest. Yes, there's even some change left see. I love that. But anyway, the situation stemmed out for him to be honest, but sweetheart not all people are like that when drunk. Sometimes they are deceitful, very lecherous, or intentionally lying. Lots of factors and I don't want to enumerate any.
So my friends, I'm home a little early today than usual, and my boyfriend had his phone fixed today so it's going to be a little more crowded again in my life. But you know what's life without a little compromise. Said without malice or anything wrongly contrived or anything, really. My mood was salubrious this morning! I worked out. I got a little envious of my friend's cuts and I noticed that I should start to work out more. I hate my problem area. I'm not telling where that is. Love you, but no.
I wonder what's wrong with me however. I keep it out on the open that I'm attracted to women, and just this night there was another hoodie wearing alone-woman in the crowd today. Like I wanted to know her, and sit beside her. I'm thinking I like women like I like cars, but anyway, it's a little tricky sometimes. And my friend posed a rather troubling perspective. Everyone is attracted to something, even in cases like different people at the same time while already having someone. It's natural somehow. And then to steer yourself away from this feeling, WHICH IS NATURAL(this said feeling), is already a COGNITIVE process. THAT SADDENED ME. I'm already plenty depressed, however at something completely unrelated, but this was sad to know. Sure it's incommensurable to the daily remarkable things we learn, but it's sad. To ignore something naturally occuring, to ignore something you instantaneously felt something you didn't plan to feel, by telling yourself no, it's not right, I have somebody. It keeps you in the safe zone, okay I condone that, it's just to defend yourself, but what's sad is that you have to tell yourself something to shut something naturally occurring. It could be that it's disproving something that your heart felt. You have to tell yourself. Like reason with yourself that no, in society having two or three is frowned upon, it's taught that it's wrong. In society. Who made the rules? And if you're feeling it, if it's naturally occurring, who restricted it? To go against what is naturally occurring... And who told us that's its terrible to have another and for what purpose, when we are prone to it? When I think to myself, I inspect it. I think about it, like I'm translating what I felt or reasoning what I felt just so I wont cheat or just so I wont be that easy, that maybe I just thought she was pretty, and it's naturally to like something that is pretty in our eyes etc.
And this is my defence, we don't normally know what we're feeling see. You feel an ache in your heart, it could simply be a physical anomaly, it could be pain, it could be a level of abandonment and betrayal. You feel your stomach drop, it could be that you're nervous, it could be that you're sickened at something grotesque. So many things, but then again isn't it a cognitive process to label these feelings too? Given the situation. When somebody tells you, you are fat and ugly, and you feel pained, right? Which is naturally the first thing you feel, see there's a secondary process. To label that pain. So, when you see somebody you like because she is appealing to you according to your tastes, you like her, then as the secondary process, you put a distinction to that like, which is either friendly, or sexual etc.
Look, I know my answers. And frankly what I found out is that it's different for every 3 people. And it will say volumes on what kind of person they are. I'm monogamous, endlessly sacrificing and unmatched in loyalty. And I keep my feelings in line with conduct and all I want to do is not hurt him and love him until I die. Because I met him, got to know him, liked him, THEN LOVED HIM, see. I'm glad he thinks like me, and actually he thinks even better than me at this topic. Surely, you'd want to be more than friends with me more than the next guy who falls "inlove" with the next person who appeals to him(unless you don't mind about that kind of thing, or you don't agree with me well that's fine too). Just saying. I'm not putting myself on a venerated pedestal or anything, but it's just a personality thing, or anyway, my dear, we can just agree to disagree. But think of it this way, nobody's right, nobody's wrong. Me and my partner I think are one of the better ones, unless he's been lying all this time, and unless I've been lying all this time. This is something nobody can tell actually, I just trust him as he trusts me. But surely there will be hell to pay if I find anything out. Hah. Though really, if something does happens and we part, then it's fine too. I will probably never get into another relationship for a long time because I loved him like I was to end with him, or you know which way I'll go
I'm being too repetitive with this. Just saying what's on my mind. Goodnight!
So my friends, I'm home a little early today than usual, and my boyfriend had his phone fixed today so it's going to be a little more crowded again in my life. But you know what's life without a little compromise. Said without malice or anything wrongly contrived or anything, really. My mood was salubrious this morning! I worked out. I got a little envious of my friend's cuts and I noticed that I should start to work out more. I hate my problem area. I'm not telling where that is. Love you, but no.
I wonder what's wrong with me however. I keep it out on the open that I'm attracted to women, and just this night there was another hoodie wearing alone-woman in the crowd today. Like I wanted to know her, and sit beside her. I'm thinking I like women like I like cars, but anyway, it's a little tricky sometimes. And my friend posed a rather troubling perspective. Everyone is attracted to something, even in cases like different people at the same time while already having someone. It's natural somehow. And then to steer yourself away from this feeling, WHICH IS NATURAL(this said feeling), is already a COGNITIVE process. THAT SADDENED ME. I'm already plenty depressed, however at something completely unrelated, but this was sad to know. Sure it's incommensurable to the daily remarkable things we learn, but it's sad. To ignore something naturally occuring, to ignore something you instantaneously felt something you didn't plan to feel, by telling yourself no, it's not right, I have somebody. It keeps you in the safe zone, okay I condone that, it's just to defend yourself, but what's sad is that you have to tell yourself something to shut something naturally occurring. It could be that it's disproving something that your heart felt. You have to tell yourself. Like reason with yourself that no, in society having two or three is frowned upon, it's taught that it's wrong. In society. Who made the rules? And if you're feeling it, if it's naturally occurring, who restricted it? To go against what is naturally occurring... And who told us that's its terrible to have another and for what purpose, when we are prone to it? When I think to myself, I inspect it. I think about it, like I'm translating what I felt or reasoning what I felt just so I wont cheat or just so I wont be that easy, that maybe I just thought she was pretty, and it's naturally to like something that is pretty in our eyes etc.
And this is my defence, we don't normally know what we're feeling see. You feel an ache in your heart, it could simply be a physical anomaly, it could be pain, it could be a level of abandonment and betrayal. You feel your stomach drop, it could be that you're nervous, it could be that you're sickened at something grotesque. So many things, but then again isn't it a cognitive process to label these feelings too? Given the situation. When somebody tells you, you are fat and ugly, and you feel pained, right? Which is naturally the first thing you feel, see there's a secondary process. To label that pain. So, when you see somebody you like because she is appealing to you according to your tastes, you like her, then as the secondary process, you put a distinction to that like, which is either friendly, or sexual etc.
Look, I know my answers. And frankly what I found out is that it's different for every 3 people. And it will say volumes on what kind of person they are. I'm monogamous, endlessly sacrificing and unmatched in loyalty. And I keep my feelings in line with conduct and all I want to do is not hurt him and love him until I die. Because I met him, got to know him, liked him, THEN LOVED HIM, see. I'm glad he thinks like me, and actually he thinks even better than me at this topic. Surely, you'd want to be more than friends with me more than the next guy who falls "inlove" with the next person who appeals to him(unless you don't mind about that kind of thing, or you don't agree with me well that's fine too). Just saying. I'm not putting myself on a venerated pedestal or anything, but it's just a personality thing, or anyway, my dear, we can just agree to disagree. But think of it this way, nobody's right, nobody's wrong. Me and my partner I think are one of the better ones, unless he's been lying all this time, and unless I've been lying all this time. This is something nobody can tell actually, I just trust him as he trusts me. But surely there will be hell to pay if I find anything out. Hah. Though really, if something does happens and we part, then it's fine too. I will probably never get into another relationship for a long time because I loved him like I was to end with him, or you know which way I'll go
I'm being too repetitive with this. Just saying what's on my mind. Goodnight!