[Fic] One Last Candle (to keep out the light) [4/4]
Title: One last candle (to keep out the light)
Part: 4 out of 4
Author:
youaregonecas
Wordcount: 427/7.238 words
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel
Tags: letters, depression, major character death, suicide (mentioned), unrequited love, grief, a lot of angst going on, please read at your own risk, season 10 divergent
Summary: Sam Winchester was lost. Lost big time. He once had his brother to help him when he really wasn't in a good place, but now? Now even Dean is gone. With Dean gone and Gabriel gone too, he just doesn't know what to do.
Terrified of his own thoughts, he writes a letter to Gabriel, bringing back memories he hoped he'd never have to face again.
The pebbles crunched under the man’s shoes. It was the only sound at the graveyard where they had buried him, now a little under a year ago. The neighbours knew when he would come, every day at six pm, when the sun started its decent from the sky.
He was a regular, like the widows and widowers visiting their wives or husbands, like the parents that lost children too soon and yet, he wasn’t one of them. People assumed, assumed that he was a friend of the kid buried there or that he had some connection to him.
They didn’t talk to the man, who looked more than lonely. Some tried, but he always shooed them away. Maybe he really just wasn’t the talkative guy or the trauma that accompanied the other person’s death.
One morning, the guy arrived with a letter and sat down on the ground next to the grave. It was different from what the man usually did, he usually just stood there lost in thought.
“Hey there,” the man muttered, “I brought you a letter. It was fitting. You always wrote me letters when you thought I was dead, now it’s my turn.” He sighed before. “I just, I wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am, Sammy. I was there, I was there when you wrote me and when you broke down. “and, Sammy, I was there when you crashed that motorcycle. I saw you fly through the air and crash against that tree. There was nothing that I could do, I couldn’t help you. You wanted to die. It broke my heart Sam. You broke my heart.” The man fumbled with the cuffs of his jacket. It was too big on him, the sleeves a solid inch too long. “And then I found your note and, it broke me even more. But this is not about me.
“I am sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I should have been there instead of lingering back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry Sam.”
He sat there in silence. For the first time since starting his visits, a single tear rolled over his cheek. The man wiped it away within seconds.
“Look at me now Sasquatch. You got me to become a bit more human. I…I loved you, okay? If you can admit it, then I can do too. You got an archangel to admit to feelings. If that’s not something big, then I don’t know what is.
“I got to go now Sam but, I, I’ll see you in heaven.”