[Chapter] You can't fix what has been broken (5/23)
Title: You can’t fix what has been broken
Author: youaregonecas
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Castiel/Dean + Jess/Sam [Mentioned]
Disclaimer: There will be mentions of depression, minor character death that is written out.
Summary: Castiel Novak has just lost his mother, his father is an absent douche bag and his sister may well be the only one that copes with all of it just fine. When the Winchesters come into town, it doesn't mean anything good, but he doesn't know it yet. He's completely blind to the world of monsters. When his mother rings the bell at five am one morning, Cas has the worst scare he has had in years. Somebody made a contract at the crossroads, and he isn't the one with a countdown.
This chapter on AO3.
It was a tense drive the first couple miles. Neither of the boys seemed to be able to talk to each other about stuff that they would have easily talked about if the occasion was different. Cas figured that he had said something wrong, or at least done something wrong, but couldn't quite figure out what it was.
He watched the sky change for what seemed like hours, even though it was only a few minutes. Everything not to look at Dean and realize that he had been stupid. Maybe he should have said no, maybe he was too stubborn for his own good.
"Is something up, Dean?" he asked hesitantly. "You have been oddly silent since we left."
"Look," Dean said, as he turned on the interstate. Dean never looked at him, but kept his eyes fixed on the road. "I get it okay, you are pissed at your mom. But I know what it feels like to lose a mother, at least you got to grow up with her around. I would give everything to get my mother back, but that doesn’t solve a thing. You got your mother back, you get a chance to make up for every little mistake you made, every time that you got mad at her without reason, and this is how you treat her? I am not saying that you need to wipe the slate clean, Cas. I am not saying that you don’t have the right to be mad, but she is your family. She took care of you all those years. Sure, she has made her fair share of mistakes, but who hasn’t, Cas? And don’t you think that she is broken up about them. Do you have to pour salt in the wounds, do you have to make her feel worse about it? At least try to be a bit friendlier. Don’t make it worse for her.”
His words silenced Cas.
"I didn't know," he eventually said, after running through one thousand possibilities of things to say in his head. "About your mother."
"Well, people don't come with who they've lost written on their heads, do they?" From the corner of his eye Cas saw him shake his head.
"Maybe we should find a place to stay the night," Cas said, uneasy. "If we'll keep driving, we'll end up in the hospital."
They checked into a motel a little past one AM, both of them exhausted. Cas had driven 'baby' when Dean had hit that point that he could barely keep his eyes open, but it had only been for few miles. He didn't feel comfortable driving Dean's car. He knew how much Dean loved the thing, how he would probably explode if there was as much as a scratch on it. The only reason that Cas was allowed to drive it was because they would have crashed into a tree quite a few times.
"Which bed do you want?" he asked Dean after throwing his duffel on the ground. He was still oddly awake, as if he hadn't even been sleepy a few minutes before. Coffee, Gods miracle worker.
"Any," Dean muttered, before crashing into the first mattress that he could find. Cas figured that he had probably been asleep before his head even hit the pillow. Sighing, he draped the blanket over Dean and headed for the bathroom. He could use a shower now Dean was knocked out enough to stay asleep.
It took forever until the shower was warm enough for him to step under it. If he ever had even gotten a chance of sleeping before three, it was long gone. He felt more awake than anything, and well, guilty. Dean's words had made him think about the way he had been around his mother lately and well, what he had said to her before. He now realized how harsh it was and how, well, she didn't have anything to do with coming back. It wasn't her fault.
He knew that his mother wouldn't pick up at three in the morning, but he knew that if he didn't call now, he would probably lose all courage that he had built up. After listening to it ring once, it jumped straight to voice mail.
"Hi mom," he said, after the beep, "it's me, Cas." He was whispering, as to not wake up Dean. "I guess I wanted to call... Dean talked to me, about stuff... Look, what I am trying to say is that I am sorry about what I said." He slid off his bed, the feathers of the mattress creaking from the movement. "I know that I am lucky to have you back." Doesn't cut out that I am still angry with you, so bloody angry. "It's more important that I have you back than that I stay mad at you over something that you couldn't control. Could I just ask you one thing though? Why didn't you ever tell us, mom? We would have understood if you had said that bad things were going to happen. If you..." Cas shook his head. "I didn't call to make any accusations. I'm sorry, okay? I just can’t stop being that what you hate right now, not if being a hunter means that we may have a shot at taking the deal off of Claire." He pressed the red button all too eagerly. Worst idea ever.
When morning came around, the bags under his eyes were clear. Cas had managed to sleep for at least two hours, maybe two and a half and that had been with trouble. For the past couple of days, he had tried to sleep more without having to be drunk, but it just didn't work out. Only when he had been drunk, could he get a good night of sleep in, and even then, he felt more than tired.
He was in the bathroom first that morning around eight o'clock, after Dean had started to show signs of life. Cas knew that Dean was nowhere near waking up and probably would stay Mr. Comatose for at least an hour, so he could stay in the bathroom for however long he liked. All of that time was mainly spend trying to tame his hair so it wouldn't get all over the place and forgetting his shirt in their bedroom.
"I see you're still alive," Cas said after pulling his shirt over his head. Dean was sitting up in his bed rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. "Got about time that you woke up. We should hit the road." He knew that he was only cheerful because he hadn't slept, but even if that was the case, it was fine by Cas.
"Remind me to never take you out for hunting, ever again," Dean groaned, before throwing a pillow at Cas and disappearing into the bathroom.
"Clothes, Dean?" Cas said with a smile, before throwing his duffel bag at him.
It took him four cups of coffee and a sponsored piece of pie from Cas before he finally woke up enough to drive and hit the road. Dean had agreed to let Castiel drive for a while the other day, but he sure as hell wouldn't leave his Baby with him again. He had probably driven alright - probably, remembering that he had drifted off soon enough - and there were no scratches to the car upon close inspection, but that didn't mean that he would have the privilege of driving again, anytime soon.
At around ten AM, Cas's phone started ringing. Dean noticed how it took him almost until the last ring to pick it up, even though he knew who it was. At first, he stayed silent for a long time, before actually speaking, that though the person on the other end of the line had long since stopped talking.
"We're on the road right now," he said to whoever was talking. "Look, mom, I'll talk to me when we get back, okay? I promise I'll keep you posted. No mom, not if, when. I am not stupid. Dean isn't a newbie."
"Mom?" Dean asked when Cas hung up on his mother and threw his phone in the backseat.
"Yeah," he said, absently, "I called her last night when you were sleeping, left a voice mail. Now, she's worried. Oh, and Sammy wanted me to say hi."
"Figured." He shook his head. "This is why I am sometimes glad that my dad is a hunter. He may not be around much, but at least he doesn't bother me with the 'I am worried about you' crap unless something is really wrong. And even then, it is just Sammy being worried."
The miles ticked by. Cas eventually dozed off in the car for a bit, waking up when they were about to hit Ainsworth, Nebraska, the town that John was hunting the demon. The both of them had stayed silent for a while, Dean because he kept an eye on the road and was listening to his music, Cas because he was thinking.
"Look," Dean said, "I have a GPS on my dad's phone. I know that he has that with him, so we have a way of tracking him, but, I don't want you to be doing anything stupid. You are my backup not the one saving me from a stab in the back, capisce? I don't want to have to drive you to the hospital after and face your mothers wrath."
"I'm not that stupid," he said.
"There is one thing that I want you to do, and you can start practicing now." He handed Cas a piece of paper, containing something Latin. "It is a demon exorcism. If I or my father are unable to say these words because of some reason that we will not discuss now, you have to say these words, you understand? Practice them, now. I want to know if you can pronounce them."
"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus," started doubtfully, "omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo, draco maledicte. Ecclesiam tuam securi tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audi nos." He shook his head. "Was that, okay?"
"Pretty good for a first try," Dean said, with a faint smile on his lips. "You may be a good hunter one day, if your mother would ever allow that."
"I took Latin classes for two or three years," he said, blushing, "dad thought that it was important to know at least one dead language. Mom didn't think it was that good of an idea, considering the fact that hunting sometimes uses Latin. Needless to say, mom was wrong."
"Great. You think you could do this later?"
"Yeah, sure," Cas said eyes fixated on the paper. "I'll just practice a little now."
"Let's get going then."