[Masterpost] Reduced to Dust
REDUCED TO DUST
Sam/Gabriel | 27.9K | Explicit | AU - All Human, Coma, Suicide Attempt, (more later.)
summary: Sam Winchester thinks that he is broken, nothing but a waste of space. He failed being himself, failed college and now, by not trusting anyone anymore, he's failed the world too. He's failed being a good daughter and a good sister. He's broken, shattered and most of all, he just wants it all to go away, he wants to disappear. Disappear is what he can go, as he shrinks the world will forget about him, people won't remember him. He'll be gone. It's all he wants, it's all he needs.
After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, Sam ends up at the ER and in a coma. As his coma progresses, Gabriel realizes more and more how broken his best friend is and how he doesn't care if Sam thinks that his family won't want to see him like this. He makes it his mission to bring them together again.
tags: Depression, Transgender, FTM Sam, Eating Disorders, Anorexia, Self Harm, inspired by wintergirls, destructive thoughts, er - Freeform, Hospital, ER nurse Gabriel, Alternate Universe - College/University, college dropout Sam, Purging, mentions of purging, Suicidal Thoughts, wish to die, mentions of scars, mentions of binging, fear of gaining weight, dysphoria mention, Wounds, Blood
authors notes: Again, one of my catch up pieces of writing. This was the otpficamonth prompt for September, namely School. (I really am behind on a lot of these jfc.. You'll probably notice that I used the prompt relatively loosely here, but one of Sam's main struggles is the way that he struggles with having to drop out of university. He feels like he has failed the only thing that he was good at. This will pop up for the first time in this chapter and later in the fic.
I do need to stress that this fic can be incredibly triggering for anyone. Sam Winchester is an ftm trans guy, he suffers from disordered eating that would (according to me - it is what I am going for at least) fall in the anorexia category, self harms, has a very disordered and self destructive thought pattern. With this comes his suicide attempt and the depression. This suicide attempt lands him in the hospital and renders him unconscious for longer period, after which he's admitted.
A lot of this is either referred to or portrayed in a graphic way. Especially the eating and depression. Please, if this is one of your quirks or triggers stay way from this fic. Stay safe.
(Should you feel like I forgot to tag something or there is something that I should tag, please do tell me.)
This fic was mainly inspired by the book Wintergirls written by Laurie Halse Anderson. If you want a recommendation on a book concerning eating disorders, this book would be a recommendation. Please take care however, as it is a triggering book.
This fic on AO3.
Archive of Our Own:
|| Chapter one || Chapter two || Chapter three || Chapter four ||
|| Chapter five || Chapter six || Epilogue ||
Other links:
Inspiration tag || soundtrack || pdf