ghosts like the cooler weather
Nearing the end of a terrible summer, autumn's never been more welcome. Beautiful summer days are such a jarring contrast to how I feel that is seems wrong to even go outside most of the time.
I can't even cry, really. I can just feel sort of dead and stunned, and hope that once in a while I can force a few tears.
I've been made a fool of. I'm so angry, but he's so apologetic that I feel like I have to add guilt to the anger. How did I even end up in this situation? He blew me off last Tuesday night, and I was a fool to think the same thing wouldn't happen again tonight. Worse, I am still holding out hope that he'll come through on Thursday like he said he would. He's never made good on a promise to me yet, so there must be something seriously wrong with me if I think he'll make good on this one.
Fuck. This is not fair. I am a good person. I care about people. I think about consequences and others' feelings. I am reliable and considerate. Why is he not? Or, a better question, why do I keep expecting him to suddenly become all of those things when he has never demonstrated that he can be any of them?
I can't even cry, really. I can just feel sort of dead and stunned, and hope that once in a while I can force a few tears.
I've been made a fool of. I'm so angry, but he's so apologetic that I feel like I have to add guilt to the anger. How did I even end up in this situation? He blew me off last Tuesday night, and I was a fool to think the same thing wouldn't happen again tonight. Worse, I am still holding out hope that he'll come through on Thursday like he said he would. He's never made good on a promise to me yet, so there must be something seriously wrong with me if I think he'll make good on this one.
Fuck. This is not fair. I am a good person. I care about people. I think about consequences and others' feelings. I am reliable and considerate. Why is he not? Or, a better question, why do I keep expecting him to suddenly become all of those things when he has never demonstrated that he can be any of them?