When each who comes around you takes some of your life...
that’s when i get angry, an outfit for my fright...
Today I find myself simultaneously flabbergasted by the progress that has been made so far, and immensely discouraged by how far there is yet to go in this quest to find some semblance of stability in this cynical mockery of a life I have lived for the last two years.
Everything that has come about since August of 2008 has been either a revelation of the most devastating kind, or an event suffocated by bad timing. Personally, I feel like I have been paying into something terrible emotionally, so that perhaps something decent eventually comes out it.
I have a job. I have a 2nd one. In a time I will have a 3rd one. Combined they will be something to hang my hat on, but still most likely not enough. The biggest admission in this situation that I have currently made, and to be truthful, I have not yet made it in a clear enough way for it to register with me, is that if I want to bail myself out of this nonsense, I can accomplish it by simply putting my nose to the grindstone and working it all off.
That is of course if I wanted to bail myself out. Unfortunately I am a compassionate person, and not a self serving asshole, and as such, I am not just trying to bail me out. I am bailing her out and that is where this gets a bit complicated boys and girls.
For that to go even remotely smoothly (which is to say, me still working 75 hours a week and getting nowhere for awhile, but at least us maintaining a place to live, and a means to get to our pointless jobs), the admission that we need help, and we need it badly, cannot be ignored.
Our debts are not a huge deal.I know people paying off college loans or mortgages far more extravagant than anything we have managed to accumulate. It is just that the timing of it all could not have been worse. Everything collapsed at once. Everything. And even though we could sustain as human beings indefinitely with what we are doing now, the fact that all the bad things piled on at once gives us very little hope of accomplishing it all without it.
It is not hopeless. There are a few things on the horizon and a long shot that may come through still pending. For the first time in both of our lives, we have not been idle in seeking help or solutions to our problems. It is just that everything now hangs by a thread, and if that thread snaps we fall lower than we have been, but if we manage to climb up it, we will find ourselves almost instantly circling brighter days and better fortunes.
So please if you know me, wish me luck. Even if you hate me, at least wish my mother luck. I could live in a box for the next six months if I had to and still sleep quite comfortably every night as long as I knew she was doing fine. If something good comes of all this, I'll let you know at a later date.
Have a good night folks.
Today I find myself simultaneously flabbergasted by the progress that has been made so far, and immensely discouraged by how far there is yet to go in this quest to find some semblance of stability in this cynical mockery of a life I have lived for the last two years.
Everything that has come about since August of 2008 has been either a revelation of the most devastating kind, or an event suffocated by bad timing. Personally, I feel like I have been paying into something terrible emotionally, so that perhaps something decent eventually comes out it.
I have a job. I have a 2nd one. In a time I will have a 3rd one. Combined they will be something to hang my hat on, but still most likely not enough. The biggest admission in this situation that I have currently made, and to be truthful, I have not yet made it in a clear enough way for it to register with me, is that if I want to bail myself out of this nonsense, I can accomplish it by simply putting my nose to the grindstone and working it all off.
That is of course if I wanted to bail myself out. Unfortunately I am a compassionate person, and not a self serving asshole, and as such, I am not just trying to bail me out. I am bailing her out and that is where this gets a bit complicated boys and girls.
For that to go even remotely smoothly (which is to say, me still working 75 hours a week and getting nowhere for awhile, but at least us maintaining a place to live, and a means to get to our pointless jobs), the admission that we need help, and we need it badly, cannot be ignored.
Our debts are not a huge deal.I know people paying off college loans or mortgages far more extravagant than anything we have managed to accumulate. It is just that the timing of it all could not have been worse. Everything collapsed at once. Everything. And even though we could sustain as human beings indefinitely with what we are doing now, the fact that all the bad things piled on at once gives us very little hope of accomplishing it all without it.
It is not hopeless. There are a few things on the horizon and a long shot that may come through still pending. For the first time in both of our lives, we have not been idle in seeking help or solutions to our problems. It is just that everything now hangs by a thread, and if that thread snaps we fall lower than we have been, but if we manage to climb up it, we will find ourselves almost instantly circling brighter days and better fortunes.
So please if you know me, wish me luck. Even if you hate me, at least wish my mother luck. I could live in a box for the next six months if I had to and still sleep quite comfortably every night as long as I knew she was doing fine. If something good comes of all this, I'll let you know at a later date.
Have a good night folks.