Time for an insightful post about how love is crap.
So. I feel like going on a rant. Since almost everyone who actually knows what I'm talking about is in Hawaii, I'll just let stuff out to people who have no idea what's going on.
There's this boy. I'm not going to sound seventh-grade-cliche about this:
"OMG, I loooove him and I miss him x life, he's my babayyy <243565826354."
No.
I'm not an idiot.
But...I think. I'm in love with him.
And honestly, it scares the crap out of me.
Everything was so...amazing before. I seriously thought that for once, someone else felt the same passion for me that I did for them. For once, I found someone that I was physically and emotionally attracted to, that made me genuinely happy. I didn't just want to like make out with him or whatever, just sitting and talking to him and being near him and laughing with him made me happy. He has intellect, and he's strong in his opinions, which is definately something you don't really see very often. He listens to me, really listens, looking me in the eyes and genuinely being interested in what I have to say. I really felt...right, you know? I still feel right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what constitutes love, isn't it?
We were flirting, big time. I had heard from so many people so many different things about who he liked and what was going on, but honestly, I just wanted to shut them all out of my mind. Everything I heard made me want to try harder to be who he liked.
Once, I thought I succeeded. Once, I thought we had a genuine chance of being right.
I was wrong, of course. You know, I basically get screwed out of everything.
I'm so sick of getting lead on so far that I can't even save myself.
So after everything that, well, I thought, confirmed our relationship happened, it all came crashing down.
Tell him, you know you want to. It's what all of my friends were saying.
And, honest to God, I did want to.
So I told him.
If you couldn't tell by now, that didn't work. I spilled my heart out. Two full paragraphs. I said everything I could ever say to someone I felt for like that in two paragraphs. Truth is, it wasn't even the beginning of what I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him I was in love with him. I could tell when he didn't answer that it wasn't good.
Needless to say, I didn't exactly get the answer I hoped for with every fiber of my being.
One thing I don't understand. He was better than that. I know he was better than that. He's a huge flirt, everyone knew that, even I knew that. But honestly. Even he must have known that if he didn't feel the same way, he should have gone so far as to do the things that he did. They were amazing, the things he did, but if he didn't mean them, he shouldn't have done them. He was better than that. He is better than that.
I told a good friend of mine once that was so scared, so overwhelmed, to fall this far. I thought I had done it before, that I could handle this level of feeling. But when it was happening, it was just so...scary. I freaked out when it started because I thought I was "in love" before, and I had been hurt before. I didn't want to get hurt again. After a while I thought I could handle it. I was sure that we felt the same way about eachother. Apparently, I wasn't sure enough.
I fell. And I fell hard.
Thank you for curing me of my rediculous obsession with love. Except, you didn't. Because I'm still in love with you.
There's this boy. I'm not going to sound seventh-grade-cliche about this:
"OMG, I loooove him and I miss him x life, he's my babayyy <243565826354."
No.
I'm not an idiot.
But...I think. I'm in love with him.
And honestly, it scares the crap out of me.
Everything was so...amazing before. I seriously thought that for once, someone else felt the same passion for me that I did for them. For once, I found someone that I was physically and emotionally attracted to, that made me genuinely happy. I didn't just want to like make out with him or whatever, just sitting and talking to him and being near him and laughing with him made me happy. He has intellect, and he's strong in his opinions, which is definately something you don't really see very often. He listens to me, really listens, looking me in the eyes and genuinely being interested in what I have to say. I really felt...right, you know? I still feel right.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what constitutes love, isn't it?
We were flirting, big time. I had heard from so many people so many different things about who he liked and what was going on, but honestly, I just wanted to shut them all out of my mind. Everything I heard made me want to try harder to be who he liked.
Once, I thought I succeeded. Once, I thought we had a genuine chance of being right.
I was wrong, of course. You know, I basically get screwed out of everything.
I'm so sick of getting lead on so far that I can't even save myself.
So after everything that, well, I thought, confirmed our relationship happened, it all came crashing down.
Tell him, you know you want to. It's what all of my friends were saying.
And, honest to God, I did want to.
So I told him.
If you couldn't tell by now, that didn't work. I spilled my heart out. Two full paragraphs. I said everything I could ever say to someone I felt for like that in two paragraphs. Truth is, it wasn't even the beginning of what I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him I was in love with him. I could tell when he didn't answer that it wasn't good.
Needless to say, I didn't exactly get the answer I hoped for with every fiber of my being.
One thing I don't understand. He was better than that. I know he was better than that. He's a huge flirt, everyone knew that, even I knew that. But honestly. Even he must have known that if he didn't feel the same way, he should have gone so far as to do the things that he did. They were amazing, the things he did, but if he didn't mean them, he shouldn't have done them. He was better than that. He is better than that.
I told a good friend of mine once that was so scared, so overwhelmed, to fall this far. I thought I had done it before, that I could handle this level of feeling. But when it was happening, it was just so...scary. I freaked out when it started because I thought I was "in love" before, and I had been hurt before. I didn't want to get hurt again. After a while I thought I could handle it. I was sure that we felt the same way about eachother. Apparently, I wasn't sure enough.
I fell. And I fell hard.
Thank you for curing me of my rediculous obsession with love. Except, you didn't. Because I'm still in love with you.