Clear View
It's interesting how easy it is to ignore yourself. Last year I tried telling myself to try new things in a bid to change my way of thinking. About a week after that, I went back to my old ways again. And then I read a book. It made me realise that changing yourself isn't all that hard. And I realised that if I didn't do anything, I'd never do anything.
I tried to dig myself out of the hole that I was in once before. And gradually I fell back in. This time I'm determined not to go back down that road again. But I feel that if I got slack, I'd slide back without even realising it. I can't go back and I can't fail again. I need to establish a new norm. I need real change.
I promised myself this year that I'd try new things. Among those things is to hang out with people more and stop sending so much time in solitude in front of the computer. So far so good, and I'm going to put in a real effort to keep it up for the whole year. And you know something, I've noticed the funniest thing starting to happen. I no longer feel all paranoid and anxious as much when I'm around other people any more. I no longer have these thoughts that people are out to get me, and I don't feel as though I'm always in someone's way any more. The other day, I found myself in a situation that made me pause because I realised the thoughts that usually go through my head in that kind of a circumstance didn't any more. This is the kind of normal I don't want to lose again.
Yesterday I decided to go for broke. I've always had these doubts that would plauge me whenever I tried going any deeper into the fog. But now that I find myself here, I'm surprised that I don't really feel any regret or panic for having taken that step. It's out of my control now, and in a way I'm glad it is. So all that's left is a matter of wait and see. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you remember how last year I was bitching and moaning about having to fix other people's mess at work? Hilariously I find myself in that exact situation again as of this week. It seems that the art of creating a horror show knows no bounds.
Although, I have to say that I'm at least grateful that I'm in a position where I'm cleaning up after someone else as opposed to someone having to clean up after me. Still, I could do with something different.
And now for some music.
I tried to dig myself out of the hole that I was in once before. And gradually I fell back in. This time I'm determined not to go back down that road again. But I feel that if I got slack, I'd slide back without even realising it. I can't go back and I can't fail again. I need to establish a new norm. I need real change.
I promised myself this year that I'd try new things. Among those things is to hang out with people more and stop sending so much time in solitude in front of the computer. So far so good, and I'm going to put in a real effort to keep it up for the whole year. And you know something, I've noticed the funniest thing starting to happen. I no longer feel all paranoid and anxious as much when I'm around other people any more. I no longer have these thoughts that people are out to get me, and I don't feel as though I'm always in someone's way any more. The other day, I found myself in a situation that made me pause because I realised the thoughts that usually go through my head in that kind of a circumstance didn't any more. This is the kind of normal I don't want to lose again.
Yesterday I decided to go for broke. I've always had these doubts that would plauge me whenever I tried going any deeper into the fog. But now that I find myself here, I'm surprised that I don't really feel any regret or panic for having taken that step. It's out of my control now, and in a way I'm glad it is. So all that's left is a matter of wait and see. What's the worst that could happen?
Do you remember how last year I was bitching and moaning about having to fix other people's mess at work? Hilariously I find myself in that exact situation again as of this week. It seems that the art of creating a horror show knows no bounds.
Although, I have to say that I'm at least grateful that I'm in a position where I'm cleaning up after someone else as opposed to someone having to clean up after me. Still, I could do with something different.
And now for some music.