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I was having a little chat with Digital Chugga-Chugga-Choo-Choo-Train the other day about several things that I don't particularly remember too vividly, but there did come a point in the discussion about my apparent lack of self-confidence. Until that point I don't think I've ever really thought about it in any great depth depite it being such a cumbersome barrier to a lot of things that I want to get done. Now that I've had a few days to ponder about it, I think that a lot of this attitude stems from growing up with the pressure to succeed. There are obvious benefits to being pushed to strive for higher goals but at the same time there are complications which can take a bit of a toll.
Firstly, failure is not a greatly tolerated which in itself is a a fairly narrow view. Failure should be used as a learning experience - something you can reflect on and analyse to ascertain where the weak areas of your performance are so you can isolate them and improve them. But if you put a blanket condemnation on failure, then you're expecting someone to get it right the first time everytime.
Secondly failure becomes something that you tend to feel the sting more greatly and more regularly. If the demand is for perfection all the time, there is no such thing as success. There is only being able to not disappoint. When your expectations are set unrealistically high towards your limits, you are only going to fulfil them a small percentage of the time. All other times you are going to fall short and it's going to feel like another let down.
So where does all this leave your confidence in yourself? Down in the gutter, usually. How can you be confident when you cannot succeed ever? It's not like every endeavour you ever embark on is an isolated case. Everything you do affects the way you think and your attitudes on new challenges. Success will breed more success but constantly seeing failure will lead to a disillusion to the things that you have to do.
I find that I get more enjoyment out of doing things that no one else has any particular expectations on. It's nice to be able to work on something at your own pace and develop your own methodologies to tackling it. Stuff like art - that's always been something I've tried to keep from criticism. It's also probably why I have an aversion to drawing for other people. I guess I'm also a little senstive to criticism at the moment, too. Not so much because I don't like being told that my work sucks, but more because I don't like to be reminded of where I should be setting my standards rather than where I would like to be setting them.
On the subject of art, I submitted this week's comic_exercise earlier in the day. Slightly dissatisfied in how that the last frame came out, and it's all because I drew one line a little too low to begin with. Well, I'll never make that mistake again. :B Anyway, I really should start doing those things earlier in the week rather than rushing to get it done about 2 hours before the deadline. I always feel like I'm in an episode of 24 trying to race against the clock to get something done, particularly because I as in a supermarket helping mum with the shopping earlier in the day WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN AT HOME DRAWING.
"Federal Agent Jack Bauer has to get his comic strip turned in on time or the evil organisation will kidnap some VIP's pet cat and spray paint it hot pink. DUN-DUN-DUUUH~!" Or something like that (and on a side note, when are they going to start showing the new season o' 24 in these parts!? >:B). What I'd like is a wrist watch with a glowing yellow LCD digital display that, when you press a button, makes an audible bleep-beep-beep-bleep on each tick. Or even if it did that like 5 seconds before each hour. I'd buy that for a dollar. :3
And what is with this so called "low fat ice cream"? That just seems... unnatural. I checked the info on the tub of a 2 litre and apparently there's only like a 3 gram difference in the fat content between low fat and regular. I mean, really, it's pretty negligable. I suppose if you're going to eat, say, 200 litres of the stuff the saving in fat is going to add up, but in all honesty if you're going to consume 200 litres you're going to be as fat as a whale no matter what you're eating. >_>
I was doing the Defend Dronkar's Forge the other day, and lookie lookie what one of them titans was thoughtful enough to drop for me. :3
Which I promptly took to the traders and sold for OMG PROFIT!!!!11 Although I can't help but feel slightly ripped off knowing that only a few months ago that exact same rune was selling for about 80 platinum. Still, I made more money in a day than I have all year to date sooo... I guess I shouldn't be complaining too much. Tempted to go and spend it one some nice threads for my elementalist but I think I'll hang on to the money for now and buy some more skills with them. All I need now are more skill points. ARSES! :B
And evidently that geomancer farming build also works wonders on the titans in the Defend North Krtya Province quest. :3 More loot, AND experience to boot! If only I could work out some way of getting that much experience with my mesmer too... I will unlock all the skills at least before they release Factions. It is my goal. o_o
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
AND THAT HAPPENED WHILE NO ONE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE THAT SORT OF INNUENDO WAS PRESENT! >:B This is not acceptable! We will not tolerate this kind of failure to be present!!@#!)*(&)%@_)&^!^*c23p3$;DF}{}2\\\231oboeshoes
And on that note, I'd like to close this one on a quote that I read in Handbook to a Happier Life by Jim Donovan. Mum was thoughtful enough to borrow this for me the last time she was at the library, which I thought was very kind. :3
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful [people] with great talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination, and love are omnipotent."
-Ray Kroc
Late founder of McDonald's
Firstly, failure is not a greatly tolerated which in itself is a a fairly narrow view. Failure should be used as a learning experience - something you can reflect on and analyse to ascertain where the weak areas of your performance are so you can isolate them and improve them. But if you put a blanket condemnation on failure, then you're expecting someone to get it right the first time everytime.
Secondly failure becomes something that you tend to feel the sting more greatly and more regularly. If the demand is for perfection all the time, there is no such thing as success. There is only being able to not disappoint. When your expectations are set unrealistically high towards your limits, you are only going to fulfil them a small percentage of the time. All other times you are going to fall short and it's going to feel like another let down.
So where does all this leave your confidence in yourself? Down in the gutter, usually. How can you be confident when you cannot succeed ever? It's not like every endeavour you ever embark on is an isolated case. Everything you do affects the way you think and your attitudes on new challenges. Success will breed more success but constantly seeing failure will lead to a disillusion to the things that you have to do.
I find that I get more enjoyment out of doing things that no one else has any particular expectations on. It's nice to be able to work on something at your own pace and develop your own methodologies to tackling it. Stuff like art - that's always been something I've tried to keep from criticism. It's also probably why I have an aversion to drawing for other people. I guess I'm also a little senstive to criticism at the moment, too. Not so much because I don't like being told that my work sucks, but more because I don't like to be reminded of where I should be setting my standards rather than where I would like to be setting them.
On the subject of art, I submitted this week's comic_exercise earlier in the day. Slightly dissatisfied in how that the last frame came out, and it's all because I drew one line a little too low to begin with. Well, I'll never make that mistake again. :B Anyway, I really should start doing those things earlier in the week rather than rushing to get it done about 2 hours before the deadline. I always feel like I'm in an episode of 24 trying to race against the clock to get something done, particularly because I as in a supermarket helping mum with the shopping earlier in the day WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN AT HOME DRAWING.
"Federal Agent Jack Bauer has to get his comic strip turned in on time or the evil organisation will kidnap some VIP's pet cat and spray paint it hot pink. DUN-DUN-DUUUH~!" Or something like that (and on a side note, when are they going to start showing the new season o' 24 in these parts!? >:B). What I'd like is a wrist watch with a glowing yellow LCD digital display that, when you press a button, makes an audible bleep-beep-beep-bleep on each tick. Or even if it did that like 5 seconds before each hour. I'd buy that for a dollar. :3
And what is with this so called "low fat ice cream"? That just seems... unnatural. I checked the info on the tub of a 2 litre and apparently there's only like a 3 gram difference in the fat content between low fat and regular. I mean, really, it's pretty negligable. I suppose if you're going to eat, say, 200 litres of the stuff the saving in fat is going to add up, but in all honesty if you're going to consume 200 litres you're going to be as fat as a whale no matter what you're eating. >_>
I was doing the Defend Dronkar's Forge the other day, and lookie lookie what one of them titans was thoughtful enough to drop for me. :3
Which I promptly took to the traders and sold for OMG PROFIT!!!!11 Although I can't help but feel slightly ripped off knowing that only a few months ago that exact same rune was selling for about 80 platinum. Still, I made more money in a day than I have all year to date sooo... I guess I shouldn't be complaining too much. Tempted to go and spend it one some nice threads for my elementalist but I think I'll hang on to the money for now and buy some more skills with them. All I need now are more skill points. ARSES! :B
And evidently that geomancer farming build also works wonders on the titans in the Defend North Krtya Province quest. :3 More loot, AND experience to boot! If only I could work out some way of getting that much experience with my mesmer too... I will unlock all the skills at least before they release Factions. It is my goal. o_o
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
AND THAT HAPPENED WHILE NO ONE WHO WOULD APPRECIATE THAT SORT OF INNUENDO WAS PRESENT! >:B This is not acceptable! We will not tolerate this kind of failure to be present!!@#!)*(&)%@_)&^!^*c23p3$;DF}{}2\\\231oboeshoes
And on that note, I'd like to close this one on a quote that I read in Handbook to a Happier Life by Jim Donovan. Mum was thoughtful enough to borrow this for me the last time she was at the library, which I thought was very kind. :3
"Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful [people] with great talent. Genius will not. Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not. The world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence, determination, and love are omnipotent."
-Ray Kroc
Late founder of McDonald's