What is up dawgs?
OK...so...I talked to 4 people about this and 3 of them all told me the same thing...GET DEVEN OUT OF MY LIFE...hard? HECK YEAH! is it what i need to do? probably...am i going to do it? EVENTUALLY! Sooner than later though...definitely sooner. BUT HOW TO GO ABOUT IT? it's not like i want him out of my life forever...JUST UNTIL I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO WALK WITH THE LORD and BE FRIENDS WITH HIM WITHOUT GIVING IN TO TEMPTATION...ya know what i mean jelly bean? I think I have given enough of my heart and life to him in the short 2 1/2 years I've been friends with him. I NEED TO GET IT BACK...those pieces of my heart belong to my husband...whoever it shall be...and it isn't fair to him to not give him my whole heart when he will be giving me his...RIGHT? RIGHT! but how do i tell deven this? AS SOON AS I EVEN SAY "I NEED A BREAK FROM YOU" HE WILL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME AGAIN. that is my biggest fear...him not being in my life. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH...BUT I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT THIS LOVE IS MORE OF A FRIENDSHIP LOVE THAN ANYTHING ELSE...and this love i have for him is not even half as important or even as much as i love the Lord and want to be close to Him. MY HEARTS BIGGEST DESIRE RIGHT NOW IS TO JUST LIVE FOR THE LORD...I WANT TO BE FILLED WITH HIS LOVE AND GRACE BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER DATING ANOTHER GUY...is that understandable...is that wrong of me? IF SOMETHING IS STOPPING ME FROM GETTING CLOSE TO HIM SHOULDN'T I GET IT OUT OF MY LIFE? if deven is causing me to put the Lord second when He should be first...shouldn't I get deven out of my life even if it is just temporarily...OH GOODNESS...DEVEN IS NEVER GOING TO UNDERSTAND THAT ONE! i feel horrible for having to do this...but it is the only way i can think of...I HAVE TRIED TALKING TO DEVEN AND TELLING HIM I WANT TO CHANGE...obviously that didnt work...I HAVE TRIED TELLING HIM NO...that didnt work either...EVEN I TEMPT HIM...I HAVE TRIED TO STOP DOING THAT...that didnt work either!!! THE ONLY WAY TO STOP MAKING US SIN AND FALL IS TO STAY AWAY FROM EACH OTHER...right? would you understand if someone told you that? i would...it would hurt...but i'd understand..BUT THEN AGAIN...I KNOW THE LORD AND BELIEVE IN HIM...deven doesn't.
SO I JUST COOKED ME A PIZZA...the frozen kind that you cook in the oven and you can either put it on a baking sheet or right on the rack...WELL I LIKE TO PUT IT RIGHT ON THE RACK CUZ IT MAKES THE CRUST CRISPY..its good like that! well anyways..when i did that...I KNEW IT LOOKED WEIRD ON TOP...but i didn't bother to turn it over and look at the other side...WHEN I OPENED THE OVEN DOOR...ALL THE CHEESE WAS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE OVEN...i put the stupid pizza in the oven upside down!!! HOW STUPID AM I?! so tomorrow guess what i get to do? YUP YOU GUESSED IT...clean the oven...WOOP DE DOO!
I am going to go now...I LOVE YOU ALL...and the ones that dont live by me...WHICH IS LIKE ALL OF YOU...i miss you guys...UNTIL LATER TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS!! xxoo...ciao