The end is nigh
Actually, the end is past. The end of the Jewish High Holidays has come and gone. I intend to be much more social in the coming weeks.
It was an interesting few weeks of feasting, fasting and introspection. I wound up back at the synagogue I was having so much difficulty with earlier. I had more problems, but this time they were entirely of my own making and entirely in my own head (not that the others weren't but these were... more so). For those that understand, I chose, after being told it wasn't a good idea, to not wear Teffilin on Hoshanah Rabbah because it is not the custom of my family. Unfortunately it is the custom of the synagogue in question. I could have put on my pair. My father had thoughtfully brought them without telling me. But I chose to brazen it out. For the first half of services, this made me very uncomfortable, as I was the only person in the room without Teffilin on. Fortunately, at half way through the service everyone else took off theirs, and I didn't feel so out of place. It was at that moment I also realized no one but me cared. I wasn't being stared at. I wasn't shot any dirty looks. I wasn't anyone's problem but my own. I'm not entirely comfortable there. I know I can't be too open amongst the congregants, but I think I'm more willing to attend services if I have to. I may even want to occasionally.
Unfortunately, I'm sure most of my readers have no idea what the hell I was just talking about. Put it down to more Jewish angst and fish out of water syndrome.
It was an interesting few weeks of feasting, fasting and introspection. I wound up back at the synagogue I was having so much difficulty with earlier. I had more problems, but this time they were entirely of my own making and entirely in my own head (not that the others weren't but these were... more so). For those that understand, I chose, after being told it wasn't a good idea, to not wear Teffilin on Hoshanah Rabbah because it is not the custom of my family. Unfortunately it is the custom of the synagogue in question. I could have put on my pair. My father had thoughtfully brought them without telling me. But I chose to brazen it out. For the first half of services, this made me very uncomfortable, as I was the only person in the room without Teffilin on. Fortunately, at half way through the service everyone else took off theirs, and I didn't feel so out of place. It was at that moment I also realized no one but me cared. I wasn't being stared at. I wasn't shot any dirty looks. I wasn't anyone's problem but my own. I'm not entirely comfortable there. I know I can't be too open amongst the congregants, but I think I'm more willing to attend services if I have to. I may even want to occasionally.
Unfortunately, I'm sure most of my readers have no idea what the hell I was just talking about. Put it down to more Jewish angst and fish out of water syndrome.