And... I'm coming home again.
And the ground felt unsteady beneath her feet when she stepped off the plane. Somehow all the pain she left in the States manifests itself into her heart once more. She knew it would happen. The second the tires hit the ground. Maybe before that. Once the pilot said, “We will now start our descent into Chicago.” She could’ve sworn he said, “… our descent into oblivion.”
And now she was home again. At least that’s what she used to call it. It’s where her family lived. Where she had grown up. Where she learned how to ride a bicycle, where she lost her first tooth, and where her life had started falling apart. Some tensions had arose in the family while she was away and she really had no intention of speaking about it or her “feelings”. But once she saw her mother she knew it would eventually be brought up… along with the yelling and screaming that accompanied most of their conversations.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just go home now?”
“But you have been acting out. So callously. Why? What has brought about these harsh sentiments?”
“Mother. I am done with it. I was never cruel. It’s all in your head. You have made me a villian in your twisted plot.”
And so she arrived in her hometown without love or patience. And she tried to take it easy. She remembered a yoga magazine she had read. She desperately needed to start that. She thought it might calm her down a bit.
And when she saw him her stomach flipped but she held her position and smiled. Greeting him as she would any other boy. Not like the one who knew her inside and out. She convinced herself that she was different. That it was different. And it was true. She had had multiple dreams about him when she was away but somehow she knew that none, neither the good or the bad, would happen this time around.
And she was welcomed back like she hadn’t missed a beat. She told her friends about her adventures making sure to give everyone the same amount of eye contact. He didn’t deserve any more of her attention now.
And the drinks were being served and she felt a bit more at ease. She had so much living to do.
And now they all chose their sleeping spots and for once she didn’t even look his way. She climbed into bed with one of his best friends instead. Seeing this he left for the comfort of his own bed… the one he had kicked her out of so many times.
And upstairs was so quiet.
And they were alone.
And it was the first time in a long time that they were alone.
And he began to tell her that he missed her. She knew what this meant. What would happen next. She had imagined it much like this.
And as they laid there. He could feel her heart beat and she could smell his breath. X + Y always = Z. They became intertwined and as their lips met she felt a rush of joy. Like things really were different.
And then came the dreaded question:
“Are we ruining things? I don’t think he would like this.”
“We can’t stop now. Don’t tell me that this hasn’t been on your mind the last 6 weeks.”
And then he kissed her.
And then their clothes disappeared.
And then they made love.
And when this was done she touched his face and she said, “This can’t be. But I want it to be. I want it to breathe. I want it to be alive and happy. I want to feel you here.”
And she pointed to her heart.
And after a long pause he stared into her watery eyes.
“Fuck them. I want you to feel me there too. I want to feel you there and everywhere.” He answered.
And so they walked downstairs. They descended into oblivion. All the while holding hands.
And now she was home again. At least that’s what she used to call it. It’s where her family lived. Where she had grown up. Where she learned how to ride a bicycle, where she lost her first tooth, and where her life had started falling apart. Some tensions had arose in the family while she was away and she really had no intention of speaking about it or her “feelings”. But once she saw her mother she knew it would eventually be brought up… along with the yelling and screaming that accompanied most of their conversations.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just go home now?”
“But you have been acting out. So callously. Why? What has brought about these harsh sentiments?”
“Mother. I am done with it. I was never cruel. It’s all in your head. You have made me a villian in your twisted plot.”
And so she arrived in her hometown without love or patience. And she tried to take it easy. She remembered a yoga magazine she had read. She desperately needed to start that. She thought it might calm her down a bit.
And when she saw him her stomach flipped but she held her position and smiled. Greeting him as she would any other boy. Not like the one who knew her inside and out. She convinced herself that she was different. That it was different. And it was true. She had had multiple dreams about him when she was away but somehow she knew that none, neither the good or the bad, would happen this time around.
And she was welcomed back like she hadn’t missed a beat. She told her friends about her adventures making sure to give everyone the same amount of eye contact. He didn’t deserve any more of her attention now.
And the drinks were being served and she felt a bit more at ease. She had so much living to do.
And now they all chose their sleeping spots and for once she didn’t even look his way. She climbed into bed with one of his best friends instead. Seeing this he left for the comfort of his own bed… the one he had kicked her out of so many times.
And upstairs was so quiet.
And they were alone.
And it was the first time in a long time that they were alone.
And he began to tell her that he missed her. She knew what this meant. What would happen next. She had imagined it much like this.
And as they laid there. He could feel her heart beat and she could smell his breath. X + Y always = Z. They became intertwined and as their lips met she felt a rush of joy. Like things really were different.
And then came the dreaded question:
“Are we ruining things? I don’t think he would like this.”
“We can’t stop now. Don’t tell me that this hasn’t been on your mind the last 6 weeks.”
And then he kissed her.
And then their clothes disappeared.
And then they made love.
And when this was done she touched his face and she said, “This can’t be. But I want it to be. I want it to breathe. I want it to be alive and happy. I want to feel you here.”
And she pointed to her heart.
And after a long pause he stared into her watery eyes.
“Fuck them. I want you to feel me there too. I want to feel you there and everywhere.” He answered.
And so they walked downstairs. They descended into oblivion. All the while holding hands.