time and time again
yet again I am drowning in my own pain, I no longer know what to do with my life, without her I am nothing. and yet she no longer wants me, is what amber said true? am I only a good friend, not a good boyfriend, but I treat women so well, I don't know what to say to that. I feel so alone. I can no longer sleep at night. I am always up all night even if I try to goto bed. I feel I am running out of time to get my life together. I feel like if I don't get with her there is no point in getting my life together, I am just going to fuck it up anyways, even if I do get back with her. I feel if she found out how much I depend on her she would try to cut her ties with me, so not to have anymore burden on her. I don't know why I need her so..... if feels my heart with joy to hear her voice. I fucked up big time today, why did I let my jealousy blind me again..... I am truly a loser.... and I fear one day everyone will find out how true that really is. I have never done anything in my life right.... I am very very alone. and no one knows it but me...... my friends and my brother depends on me now. and I feel I am hopeless..... I never thought I would be writting in this again... but the only person I can talk to is me... this isn't working........ if I had the balls I would do something about it. I can't stay up all night then goto comunity work with no sleep and I can get no sleep at night.... WHY AM I STILL AWAKE!!!! MY AND EVERYONE ELSES LIFE DEPENDS ON ME!!!!!! I have no other choice but to take more time off of work next week. and spend everyday going to comuity work... that is all I can do.... if anyone cared enough about me they would read this and try to talk to me, because I can't talk to them my self, even elizabeth, I told her about this.... and I sent her e-mails and......... nothing....... yet..... someone PLEASE HELP ME!!!!