NEW AND EXCITING!
May 15
Planted my Lycopersicon esculentumoutside today. Am frightfully worried for their tender little stalks. Wind and frost could wreck havoc on my delicate little seedlings! What have I done!?!?
May 17
A huge wind came up last night and I had to dart outside to tie down the make-shift greenhouse around my dear, dear Lycopersicon esculentum. Was quite frightened - it sounded as if someone nearby was murdering a cat with a rusty spoon. Am questioning the decision to move to the suburbs.
May 18
More wind, and a police officer who came by to inspect my premisis. Apparently the neighbourhood blames me for the ungodly noise - me! As if I could every torture a dear, dear kitty! I suppose I shouldn't have mentioned how cat poop in the garden makes my blood boil and clouds my vision with a red, rage-induced haze. Have decided to investigate.
May 19
No luck in solving mysterious noise. Postman refuses to come to my house. Lycopersicon esculentum thriving.
May 20
Shreiking stopped. May it rest in peace.
May 21
Rainstorm blew down the greenhouse on my stupid tomatos, but I have found a rarer gem: Datura clamo! I've only heard it whispered about in horticultural circles, and it was branded as a 'WEED' by low-minded melon heads. Well, no more. I have ordered my copy of A FIELD GUIDE TO SURREAL BOTANY and have changed my focus from vegitables to the extra-ordinary. Less delicious a hobby, but one much more exciting!
A FIELD GUIDE TO SURREAL BOTANY - now available!
Susan Fedynak (Floating) Armor of The Dark Blue Heart, Armorea Navum
Alexandra O'Neal Attercopp plant, Chelicereae Telacaulum
Andrew Nicolle Avian Trumpetflower, Trochilium avifructus
Jay Lake Baby cabbage, also regionally referred to as The Leaf, Squallroot or Mother's Little Helper, Cruciferae Brassica homogenesis
Elizabeth Langford big yellow flower of unnecessarily obvious information, Explanatum obviosis
Steve Himmer Bitter Mortar, Cucurbitaceae Marah
Eric J. Millar Bone Garden, otherwise known as Adam's Ribcage, Aloe skelaphalia
John Bowker Burning Bush Fungus, Encephalitozoon Elysium
Ann Leckie Clickweed, Everricula Pilolaqueus
James Trimarco Cloud Anemone, Bromeliaceae Tillandsia nebularia
Jonathan Wonham Couch Kelp, Siturfatarscea velvetorleva monthlypaymentis
John Black Devil’s Pork , Tuberaceae Tuber
Jon Hansen Dream Melons, Melo somnio
Steve Berman Esemtep, Unclassified
Lucy A. Snyder Fairy apple, timewarp lemon, Atlantis Mandrake, Podophyllum sidhe
Francesca Forrest firefly bellflower (Tintinnabulum photuris), Tintinnabulum photuris
Matthew Baugh Flame Lily, Nymphaeaceae-flammiferum
Elaine Clift Forget-me-bastard, Myosovictimis uncertae sedis
Patricia L. Havis Giant Cloud Lily, Liliaceae Lilium
Mark Teppo Haunt Vine (also known as Ghostroot and Spirit Creeper), Ipomoea Umbris
Mary E. Lowd Kitty Willow, Salix ambulara
H.F. Gibbard Kvetching aspen, Populus kvetchis
Brendan Carson Lautokan Ear-blossom Plant (Tautau e vata), Auriculula cosmetales
Adam Nakama Leonidas' Bloom, Campanula lacedaemia
Merrie Haskell Library Plum, Bibloteca prunus
Kris Dikeman Nightmare Lotus, Nymphae somnium maledictus
Cassandra Phillips-Sears Ozymandias-plant, Lamiaceae (Genus unknown)
Shveta Thakrar Padmamukhi (the Lotus-Mouthed), Nelumbonaceae nelumbo
Victoria Elisabeth Garcia Poliphila, or "Shriner Vine.", Unclassified
Eric Schaller Queen Victoria’s Bloomers, Monkey Ho, Caligula homocopulus
Yvonne Pronovost Screaming Mimi, Datura clamo
Darja Malcolm-Clarke Shade’s Globe (also: Sibylwort), Umberia medianus
David Kelly Singing Grass, unknown
January Mortimer Stag-eye nettle, Urtica aboculus
Suzanne Palmer Swift River Hopping Pitcher Plant, Pseudosarracenia verdeverminus
Livia Llewellyn Teslated Salishan Evergreen, Cupressuceaohm salishan nikola
Philip J. Lees The Faerie Hogweed, Heracleum ignotum
Stephanie Campisi and Ben Peek The Nabokov, Unclassified
Toiya Kristen Finley The Poseur Nosehairs, Animaceae Sominus
Matthew Kressel The Sembla, Spasmodicus plasticosa
Catherine Gunson Thuringian Shade-tree, Umbropsida noctalus
Christopher M. Cevasco Time Cactus, Chronocactus hematophageis
Vera Nazarian Twilight Luon-Sibir, Russica spectrata
Tom Pendergrass Ugly Tree, Medusa's Hairbrush, Acer horrendoturpis
Erik Amundsen Waterbaby Cress, Nasturtium Charleskingsleni
Shweta Narayan Whistle tree, Catalpa musicalis
Alex Chambers Wild Homilywort (var. Speechtree), Quercus loquatium
Dave Coulter Wind melon, Saturn melon, God's Eyes, Cucumis melo helioaero
Planted my Lycopersicon esculentumoutside today. Am frightfully worried for their tender little stalks. Wind and frost could wreck havoc on my delicate little seedlings! What have I done!?!?
May 17
A huge wind came up last night and I had to dart outside to tie down the make-shift greenhouse around my dear, dear Lycopersicon esculentum. Was quite frightened - it sounded as if someone nearby was murdering a cat with a rusty spoon. Am questioning the decision to move to the suburbs.
May 18
More wind, and a police officer who came by to inspect my premisis. Apparently the neighbourhood blames me for the ungodly noise - me! As if I could every torture a dear, dear kitty! I suppose I shouldn't have mentioned how cat poop in the garden makes my blood boil and clouds my vision with a red, rage-induced haze. Have decided to investigate.
May 19
No luck in solving mysterious noise. Postman refuses to come to my house. Lycopersicon esculentum thriving.
May 20
Shreiking stopped. May it rest in peace.
May 21
Rainstorm blew down the greenhouse on my stupid tomatos, but I have found a rarer gem: Datura clamo! I've only heard it whispered about in horticultural circles, and it was branded as a 'WEED' by low-minded melon heads. Well, no more. I have ordered my copy of A FIELD GUIDE TO SURREAL BOTANY and have changed my focus from vegitables to the extra-ordinary. Less delicious a hobby, but one much more exciting!
A FIELD GUIDE TO SURREAL BOTANY - now available!
Susan Fedynak (Floating) Armor of The Dark Blue Heart, Armorea Navum
Alexandra O'Neal Attercopp plant, Chelicereae Telacaulum
Andrew Nicolle Avian Trumpetflower, Trochilium avifructus
Jay Lake Baby cabbage, also regionally referred to as The Leaf, Squallroot or Mother's Little Helper, Cruciferae Brassica homogenesis
Elizabeth Langford big yellow flower of unnecessarily obvious information, Explanatum obviosis
Steve Himmer Bitter Mortar, Cucurbitaceae Marah
Eric J. Millar Bone Garden, otherwise known as Adam's Ribcage, Aloe skelaphalia
John Bowker Burning Bush Fungus, Encephalitozoon Elysium
Ann Leckie Clickweed, Everricula Pilolaqueus
James Trimarco Cloud Anemone, Bromeliaceae Tillandsia nebularia
Jonathan Wonham Couch Kelp, Siturfatarscea velvetorleva monthlypaymentis
John Black Devil’s Pork , Tuberaceae Tuber
Jon Hansen Dream Melons, Melo somnio
Steve Berman Esemtep, Unclassified
Lucy A. Snyder Fairy apple, timewarp lemon, Atlantis Mandrake, Podophyllum sidhe
Francesca Forrest firefly bellflower (Tintinnabulum photuris), Tintinnabulum photuris
Matthew Baugh Flame Lily, Nymphaeaceae-flammiferum
Elaine Clift Forget-me-bastard, Myosovictimis uncertae sedis
Patricia L. Havis Giant Cloud Lily, Liliaceae Lilium
Mark Teppo Haunt Vine (also known as Ghostroot and Spirit Creeper), Ipomoea Umbris
Mary E. Lowd Kitty Willow, Salix ambulara
H.F. Gibbard Kvetching aspen, Populus kvetchis
Brendan Carson Lautokan Ear-blossom Plant (Tautau e vata), Auriculula cosmetales
Adam Nakama Leonidas' Bloom, Campanula lacedaemia
Merrie Haskell Library Plum, Bibloteca prunus
Kris Dikeman Nightmare Lotus, Nymphae somnium maledictus
Cassandra Phillips-Sears Ozymandias-plant, Lamiaceae (Genus unknown)
Shveta Thakrar Padmamukhi (the Lotus-Mouthed), Nelumbonaceae nelumbo
Victoria Elisabeth Garcia Poliphila, or "Shriner Vine.", Unclassified
Eric Schaller Queen Victoria’s Bloomers, Monkey Ho, Caligula homocopulus
Yvonne Pronovost Screaming Mimi, Datura clamo
Darja Malcolm-Clarke Shade’s Globe (also: Sibylwort), Umberia medianus
David Kelly Singing Grass, unknown
January Mortimer Stag-eye nettle, Urtica aboculus
Suzanne Palmer Swift River Hopping Pitcher Plant, Pseudosarracenia verdeverminus
Livia Llewellyn Teslated Salishan Evergreen, Cupressuceaohm salishan nikola
Philip J. Lees The Faerie Hogweed, Heracleum ignotum
Stephanie Campisi and Ben Peek The Nabokov, Unclassified
Toiya Kristen Finley The Poseur Nosehairs, Animaceae Sominus
Matthew Kressel The Sembla, Spasmodicus plasticosa
Catherine Gunson Thuringian Shade-tree, Umbropsida noctalus
Christopher M. Cevasco Time Cactus, Chronocactus hematophageis
Vera Nazarian Twilight Luon-Sibir, Russica spectrata
Tom Pendergrass Ugly Tree, Medusa's Hairbrush, Acer horrendoturpis
Erik Amundsen Waterbaby Cress, Nasturtium Charleskingsleni
Shweta Narayan Whistle tree, Catalpa musicalis
Alex Chambers Wild Homilywort (var. Speechtree), Quercus loquatium
Dave Coulter Wind melon, Saturn melon, God's Eyes, Cucumis melo helioaero