久々のエントリー
所谓人不为己天诛地灭，unless i upgrade or improve myself, there is no justification for me to be in this world..i am not satisfied but a sense of comfort in the status quo is creeping in furtively. i am paid relatively well but i hate my job environment...i like my job partially, only in the preparation stage, but since that is not the whole package, i have to endure the remaining majority which i absolutely abhore....and the feeling is growing....nothing to keep me here...except for the monetary renumerations....otherwise, my intellect is declining, 確実に衰えていく....
i want to hone my research skills; to put my knowledge into practical use; to quench my thirst for knowledge; and ultimately, to realize my childhood dream...自由になりたい～
i read a quote somewhere that mentioned that the people around you would either make you greater or lesser than what you are supposed to be...for no one is able to achieve great things alone...in my case it is definitely the latter...i am not the least satisfied with my working environment so what expectations do i have for myself in my own development? to think that my job is to realize the potential of the next generation...what a joke....i myself am living a lie - how can i even teach others on that??
i am not suited for my current job....i realized that more often than not, i have been reminiscing about my past...my better past...this just means that there is nothing in the present that i feel proud of....the only real joy i felt this year was the email on the acceptance of my article...other than that, words of encouragement and affirmation on my profession on 1 sep for the past 2 years was nothing more than an annual ritual to me, to say the least...the level of accomplishment between the elaborate celebrations and that single email is uncomparable. i feel for the former. i am more alive when reading the email.
that is why i lamented 人不为己天诛地灭...for i feel my end is near...my end with reference to my intellectual being, my purposeful self...for i would soon lose out and be transformed into the mechanical, ritualistic, 平凡なサラリーマン...one who is stuck in a never-ending cycle of merely satisfying maslow's lowest levels of human needs....
i would rather cease to exist.
i want to hone my research skills; to put my knowledge into practical use; to quench my thirst for knowledge; and ultimately, to realize my childhood dream...自由になりたい～
i read a quote somewhere that mentioned that the people around you would either make you greater or lesser than what you are supposed to be...for no one is able to achieve great things alone...in my case it is definitely the latter...i am not the least satisfied with my working environment so what expectations do i have for myself in my own development? to think that my job is to realize the potential of the next generation...what a joke....i myself am living a lie - how can i even teach others on that??
i am not suited for my current job....i realized that more often than not, i have been reminiscing about my past...my better past...this just means that there is nothing in the present that i feel proud of....the only real joy i felt this year was the email on the acceptance of my article...other than that, words of encouragement and affirmation on my profession on 1 sep for the past 2 years was nothing more than an annual ritual to me, to say the least...the level of accomplishment between the elaborate celebrations and that single email is uncomparable. i feel for the former. i am more alive when reading the email.
that is why i lamented 人不为己天诛地灭...for i feel my end is near...my end with reference to my intellectual being, my purposeful self...for i would soon lose out and be transformed into the mechanical, ritualistic, 平凡なサラリーマン...one who is stuck in a never-ending cycle of merely satisfying maslow's lowest levels of human needs....
i would rather cease to exist.