lololol sorry Yuumi
[Florence likes to consider himself creative.
He's quite pleased with himself when he stops in front of the door labelled "Sleeping Queen". In his hands are her, begrudgingly put together, Christmas gifts. In the shoddily wrapped box (wrapped with about three feet of tape and various kinds of paper that aren't Christmassy in the slightest and might have questionable stains on them) is a hand made booklet secured by three holes with dental floss. The on the cover (made of cardboard) is written in Florence's scrawl "Advanced Duelling Tactics by [scribble] [scribble] Santa", several sharp knives sheathed in leather sheaths, two rounded pieces of steel and approximately twelve packages of freeze dried food. On top of the box is a single frosted cupcake.
The booklet itself has approximately five pages of printer paper, also covered in Florence's scrawl.
[P1]
Hello, and welcome to my guide of Advanced Duelling Tactics! In this book, you will be given detailed tips and tricks on how to make a better deck and to be taught the best strategies at duelling your opponents*.
Remember, however, that if you cannot get the basic rules and the core game play down, you might as well not play at all. To be fair, this card game is a load of shit and it would be better to go up to your opponent and kick them in the shins. Included with this booklet are some steel inserts to go into your boots when you do eventually realise that physical violence is the answer. If a chase is attempted, the included knives will probably scare them off, but feel free to use them if you have to. It gives the police something to do in the morning. Just don't leave any of your hair around.
*[scribble] Santa makes no guarantees that you will win your duel by using the advice in this book. Because he didn't
[P2]
~ * TIPS AND TRICKS desu * ~
When it comes to building your deck, you want to make your deck as terrifying as possible when it comes to holograms. It also helps if you have a piece of really, really old gold jewelry with magical powers that allows you to manipulate physics, as well as time and space.
Remember, holograms are your friend. If you happen to duel someone who is shit scared of ghosts and zombies, then you're set. They'll pass out and you'll win by default. Make sure to stick a lot of effect and flip effect shit in there, too, I guess. Also, summon as many monsters in one turn as you possibly can. Yes, it's against the rules, but all the big shots do it. The key is distracting your opponent (and the judges, if you're in a tournament) by talking a lot of shit and boosting up your ego.
If this happens to fail, rebuild your deck with more frightening monsters and beat up some losers in a graveyard, steal their keys into the finals and don't get your soul stolen. It sucks pretty hard when that happens.
IF YOU FAIL THAT, then lie in wait in your greatest enemy's head for about two hundred episodes, and just be hax. I can't really go into what you should do after this because it's spoilers, and I don't want the Doctor coming after me, now do I?
[P3]
~ * USING YOUR ITEM * ~
If, on the off chance, you have built the perfect deck and it's just not working for you, then you should activate the powers of that item I told you about. Which, if you have, then you're most likely set. Humiliate your foes in front of an audience by switching them into the clothes of a duel monster. They'll appear on the field and their body will collapse, thus winning the duel by default. Forget that last bit, don't read it. Only I can do that.
Do whatever your item does and you're set. Unless you get into a duel with someone else that happens to have an item. If that happens, call me at [Florence's Phone number here] and wait until I get there. That way I can steal theirs and yours give you my personal help, free of charge! Normally this service costs $199.95 and one soul.
[P4]
~ * FAQ * ~
Q. But, [scribble] Santa! What happens if neither of these things work for me?
A. Well, it's a good thing you didn't pay for this book, so at least you can't bitch at me for a waste of money. These tactics better work or I'm going to be mad for wasting my time. I should have given you a lump of coal for being such a shitty duelist.
Q. I didn't know Santa played cardgames.
A. And this isn't a question. Everyone plays cardgames you twit. Even Santa. I regularly get together with Jack Skellington, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy for four way duels and DnD.
Q. You don't sound like Santa at all!
[P5]
A.
Merry fucking Christmas from Not Santa.
enjoy your cupcake.
Florence knocks on her door and places the gifts down carefully, making sure to not drop the cupcake before dashing away.]
He's quite pleased with himself when he stops in front of the door labelled "Sleeping Queen". In his hands are her, begrudgingly put together, Christmas gifts. In the shoddily wrapped box (wrapped with about three feet of tape and various kinds of paper that aren't Christmassy in the slightest and might have questionable stains on them) is a hand made booklet secured by three holes with dental floss. The on the cover (made of cardboard) is written in Florence's scrawl "Advanced Duelling Tactics by [scribble] [scribble] Santa", several sharp knives sheathed in leather sheaths, two rounded pieces of steel and approximately twelve packages of freeze dried food. On top of the box is a single frosted cupcake.
The booklet itself has approximately five pages of printer paper, also covered in Florence's scrawl.
[P1]
Hello, and welcome to my guide of Advanced Duelling Tactics! In this book, you will be given detailed tips and tricks on how to make a better deck and to be taught the best strategies at duelling your opponents*.
Remember, however, that if you cannot get the basic rules and the core game play down, you might as well not play at all. To be fair, this card game is a load of shit and it would be better to go up to your opponent and kick them in the shins. Included with this booklet are some steel inserts to go into your boots when you do eventually realise that physical violence is the answer. If a chase is attempted, the included knives will probably scare them off, but feel free to use them if you have to. It gives the police something to do in the morning. Just don't leave any of your hair around.
*[scribble] Santa makes no guarantees that you will win your duel by using the advice in this book. Because he didn't
[P2]
~ * TIPS AND TRICKS desu * ~
When it comes to building your deck, you want to make your deck as terrifying as possible when it comes to holograms. It also helps if you have a piece of really, really old gold jewelry with magical powers that allows you to manipulate physics, as well as time and space.
Remember, holograms are your friend. If you happen to duel someone who is shit scared of ghosts and zombies, then you're set. They'll pass out and you'll win by default. Make sure to stick a lot of effect and flip effect shit in there, too, I guess. Also, summon as many monsters in one turn as you possibly can. Yes, it's against the rules, but all the big shots do it. The key is distracting your opponent (and the judges, if you're in a tournament) by talking a lot of shit and boosting up your ego.
If this happens to fail, rebuild your deck with more frightening monsters and beat up some losers in a graveyard, steal their keys into the finals and don't get your soul stolen. It sucks pretty hard when that happens.
IF YOU FAIL THAT, then lie in wait in your greatest enemy's head for about two hundred episodes, and just be hax. I can't really go into what you should do after this because it's spoilers, and I don't want the Doctor coming after me, now do I?
[P3]
~ * USING YOUR ITEM * ~
If, on the off chance, you have built the perfect deck and it's just not working for you, then you should activate the powers of that item I told you about. Which, if you have, then you're most likely set. Humiliate your foes in front of an audience by switching them into the clothes of a duel monster. They'll appear on the field and their body will collapse, thus winning the duel by default. Forget that last bit, don't read it. Only I can do that.
Do whatever your item does and you're set. Unless you get into a duel with someone else that happens to have an item. If that happens, call me at [Florence's Phone number here] and wait until I get there. That way I can steal theirs and yours give you my personal help, free of charge! Normally this service costs $199.95 and one soul.
[P4]
~ * FAQ * ~
Q. But, [scribble] Santa! What happens if neither of these things work for me?
A. Well, it's a good thing you didn't pay for this book, so at least you can't bitch at me for a waste of money. These tactics better work or I'm going to be mad for wasting my time. I should have given you a lump of coal for being such a shitty duelist.
Q. I didn't know Santa played cardgames.
A. And this isn't a question. Everyone plays cardgames you twit. Even Santa. I regularly get together with Jack Skellington, The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy for four way duels and DnD.
Q. You don't sound like Santa at all!
[P5]
A.
Merry fucking Christmas from Not Santa.
enjoy your cupcake.
Florence knocks on her door and places the gifts down carefully, making sure to not drop the cupcake before dashing away.]