And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

[yeuxdusoleil]

Okay, I'm going to do a "poor me" entry. I am sorry in advance if it's whiny but hey.

Lately I've been toying with the idea of going back home for a few months. I don't know when but I just feel like there isn't a lot that I belong in my own current lifestyle for anymore. I robot my way through the day and go to class and now, go to work. I

Comments

[heres_the_plan]

tess, if things are really this bad, this is NOT where you need to be.
do something for yourself. take a break. work for your dad at home, or somewhere around town if you don't want to do that.
i left school because it was an unnecessary stress. I didn't know what I wanted there, I had too much stuff going on that i frankly didn't care about, and therefore started doing WAY too many drugs and got involved with a homeless guy (because I craved personal and physical attention in what i thought was an empty existence) who raped me of all time, money, care, and trust.

then, i realized i wasn't at all happy. so i quit.

do what makes you happy.
i've never felt better in my whole life. sure, i'm a little lonely, but it's getting better. i'm on my own, working my ass, but having a lot of fun while i'm doing it. i live from paycheck to paycheck, and it's the most rewarding experience -- knowing that i'm living a life on my own, but that i always have my family to fall back on if anything goes wrong.

You need to do what you need. Do what you feel. I know I wasn't meant for college. There was nothing there that called me. Maybe there will be in the future, but for now, i'm living life.
Society has such a set path for young people, they don't always realize the stress it can cause. to go to school, to get good grades, to graduate, to have a job, to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, to be cool, to do what everyone expects you to do.

But you don't have to do that.
You can be you.
Remember that. And there's always going to be people who love you, no matter what.

[yeuxdusoleil]

Sorry for the year it took to give you a real reply. but you know, fucking school never gives me a damn break.

I agree- I'm severely unhappy here and I used to think I fit well but part of that (no matter how pathetic this sounds) was because I thought I'd found someone who was like a soul mate to me and now I realize how insane I was to ever believe that way. Now that I've lost hope in that naive fantasy I have no reason to be excited about going to school here. Everyone is in a fucking sorority or frat and there isn't much culture and it's suffocating. You go to a bar or something on the weekends and that's about it. I hate it.

I'm considering doing what you did and just going away and trying to figure my shit out. I have no genuine interest in classes right now- they are all the same mundane bullshit that we must take to fufill a requirement. WHEN WILL THESE REQUIREMENTS END?

I came to realization- they NEVER END. it's all a fucking cookie cutter rat race that they pump us through so we will be good little economic robots.

I don't know what I want from life but it sure as hell isn't spending my young years sitting in statistics or economics so I MIGHT be able to one day take a class that interests me.

I want to come to Steamboat with you and ride some horses and buck on this for awhile.
I love you. I miss you. You're amazing.
<3

[heres_the_plan]

Dudette, my door is ALWAYS OPEN. I've even still got an empty bedroom that if you were looking for something long term you could consider.

But forreal. Stay a few days, few weeks, few months, YEARS, whatever! It's nice honestly, to have a job rather than school. Not a serious job, but fuck, anyone can be a waitress or whatever, or be a front desk girl at a hotel, that sort of shit.

You still have plenty of time to relax. Plus, no studying! Instead, mountains and shit. Come be a cowgirl. And at first I thought I was running away, but then I realized -- this is what I WANT to do. I don't mind having a second-rate job/life as long as Im having fun and getting by. I literally have complete thrift-store, second hand, piece of shit furniture. BUT, I have the most BEAUTIFUL view straight out my wall of the lake and mountains. And that makes it all completely worth it.

Give yourself some time. Finish out whatever quarter/semester/bullshit you've already paid for, and decide where you want to go.

I love youuuuu. Only you can decide what's good for you, and what you need to be doing. No excuses, just choices. As my horse-shoer says? Who's a very small Peruvian man who can be a bit of a compulsive liar and a jerk. But otherwise very nice. He may try to take you to poker night at the bowling alley in town.