(no subject)
It breaks my heart. I knew it all, but comming face to face with others demons... it breaks me apart. At least I got a lovely reminder as to why I don't see certain people on certain days.
I did get to be there for someone last night. It made me feel good to be there when I knew how much he needed to talk. I've felt so self involved for so long. Now there's a secret language between us. I got 3 dudes phone numbers last night. It made me feel good. It made me feel better to know my boi toy will butt out when I'm getting my mack on.. he knows I'll come back to him for now. I should clean shads room upp and throw the couch that bothers me in it.. but thats some heavy lifting. I met this dude that was tripping who got all psycho parnoid.. he liked me.. he trusted me.. and it's nice when the most dangerous od equations thinks your good people.. i'e always been less likely to get hurt. The overall night was awesome.. but the factors just broke my heart.. and now I want to get my stuff and hide under a rock once more.. and I was just comming out of my shell.. and I actually felt like people wanted me around.. rather than my being a third leg.. i'm glad I got to be there for my friend.. that was definatly the highlight of my night.. and it's changed our relationship from one that was we're cool with eachother but merely share the same air.. to one where we really appreciate eachother because we understand eachother better.. I've been in the mindset to be a sounding board this past week. i've helpped a lot of people and the high I get can't compare...
but I'm exhausted.. I need to take a nap.. I've been planning all week to go out with some friends.. I'm excited to spend time with them.. but since I got 3 hours tops of sleep in the past over 24hours.. I want to not get pooped just spending a moment with people I love.
I did get to be there for someone last night. It made me feel good to be there when I knew how much he needed to talk. I've felt so self involved for so long. Now there's a secret language between us. I got 3 dudes phone numbers last night. It made me feel good. It made me feel better to know my boi toy will butt out when I'm getting my mack on.. he knows I'll come back to him for now. I should clean shads room upp and throw the couch that bothers me in it.. but thats some heavy lifting. I met this dude that was tripping who got all psycho parnoid.. he liked me.. he trusted me.. and it's nice when the most dangerous od equations thinks your good people.. i'e always been less likely to get hurt. The overall night was awesome.. but the factors just broke my heart.. and now I want to get my stuff and hide under a rock once more.. and I was just comming out of my shell.. and I actually felt like people wanted me around.. rather than my being a third leg.. i'm glad I got to be there for my friend.. that was definatly the highlight of my night.. and it's changed our relationship from one that was we're cool with eachother but merely share the same air.. to one where we really appreciate eachother because we understand eachother better.. I've been in the mindset to be a sounding board this past week. i've helpped a lot of people and the high I get can't compare...
but I'm exhausted.. I need to take a nap.. I've been planning all week to go out with some friends.. I'm excited to spend time with them.. but since I got 3 hours tops of sleep in the past over 24hours.. I want to not get pooped just spending a moment with people I love.