3 in the morning.
It's on a regular basis that I find sleep an elusive entity, just out of grasp, an intangible cloudy symbol of rest and of escape.
It doesn't help when I get off the phone to him after getting in an argument.
I guess he's right when he says he doesn't know how to be the constant that I need him to be. Right now, nothing is stable. Everything is a wreck, everything is falling apart, and I lean on him so heavily to be there and just show some support. So when he crumbles just a little, it makes me fall completely to pieces.
I love him even when it feels like my heart is breaking. Fuck distance. Seriously. Fuck fuck fuck fuck it.
In other news:
I am depressed, but that's not so much "news."
I was far, far too drunk for the majority of last weekend, but I have every intention of repeating that this upcoming weekend; particularly since we don't have school on Friday, so therefore drinking times begin on Thursday night.
I am about halfway of where I should be with my NaNoWriMo novel right now, and I feel that I won't win, and will be a failure. I'm not even at 7,000 words. It's pathetic.
Arguments give me writer's block and I can't even begin to think of where to go with my "novel" from here.
Also, listen to Elliott Smith. Now.
It doesn't help when I get off the phone to him after getting in an argument.
I guess he's right when he says he doesn't know how to be the constant that I need him to be. Right now, nothing is stable. Everything is a wreck, everything is falling apart, and I lean on him so heavily to be there and just show some support. So when he crumbles just a little, it makes me fall completely to pieces.
I love him even when it feels like my heart is breaking. Fuck distance. Seriously. Fuck fuck fuck fuck it.
In other news:
I am depressed, but that's not so much "news."
I was far, far too drunk for the majority of last weekend, but I have every intention of repeating that this upcoming weekend; particularly since we don't have school on Friday, so therefore drinking times begin on Thursday night.
I am about halfway of where I should be with my NaNoWriMo novel right now, and I feel that I won't win, and will be a failure. I'm not even at 7,000 words. It's pathetic.
Arguments give me writer's block and I can't even begin to think of where to go with my "novel" from here.
Also, listen to Elliott Smith. Now.