here's to all of it
New entry, finally:)
Yesterday at work, I accidentally ate something that I'm allergic to. I collapsed, started shaking uncontrollably, started having a hard time breathing. Xixi took my hand and held it as I heaved, drooled, sobbed and shook. She sat in the ambulance with me on the way to Miami Valley. She held me as I writhed and continued crying. She wiped the sweat from my head and the spit from my chin. She watched a two inch needle go into my hand, a two foot tube go up my nose. She read poetry to me while I squirmed in pain. About ten minutes after the first wave of morphine, Maryn showed up with a flower. Matt walked to the hospital in the middle of the afternoon's thunderstorm. Nicole doesn't even know me and she came to pick us all up from the hospital.
I've realized this before, but yesterday made me realize it much harder. Real friends aren't common. I think that I'm too lucky. As I'm sitting here in Xixi's room listening to her talk to her dad, I'm so grateful that I feel like some kinda cheesy ass Bible school teacher, and I love it. I love that Nick hugs me every single time he sees me, but it always feels like he means it. I love that to Kevin and me, Fuck! Ass! will always be enough of an explanation for whatever's going on. I love that Sunday nights are always just for me and Jay. I love that when Matt opens the door to my room without knocking, for the first time in my life, that doesn't piss me off. I even love that I see Kyle in the cafeteria every morning and he looks at me with the most superficial smile ever before saying in the dullest tone imaginable, "Hi, Ren." I don't care that I'm almost entirely disconnected from my parents. I don't care that the medication I've been on for about two months now has fucked up my body way beyond my comfort level. I don't care that life sucks a lot of the time. Overall, yesterday didn't suck. It rocked. I love you guys. All of you. Now I feel like I should thank the academy or something...
Yesterday at work, I accidentally ate something that I'm allergic to. I collapsed, started shaking uncontrollably, started having a hard time breathing. Xixi took my hand and held it as I heaved, drooled, sobbed and shook. She sat in the ambulance with me on the way to Miami Valley. She held me as I writhed and continued crying. She wiped the sweat from my head and the spit from my chin. She watched a two inch needle go into my hand, a two foot tube go up my nose. She read poetry to me while I squirmed in pain. About ten minutes after the first wave of morphine, Maryn showed up with a flower. Matt walked to the hospital in the middle of the afternoon's thunderstorm. Nicole doesn't even know me and she came to pick us all up from the hospital.
I've realized this before, but yesterday made me realize it much harder. Real friends aren't common. I think that I'm too lucky. As I'm sitting here in Xixi's room listening to her talk to her dad, I'm so grateful that I feel like some kinda cheesy ass Bible school teacher, and I love it. I love that Nick hugs me every single time he sees me, but it always feels like he means it. I love that to Kevin and me, Fuck! Ass! will always be enough of an explanation for whatever's going on. I love that Sunday nights are always just for me and Jay. I love that when Matt opens the door to my room without knocking, for the first time in my life, that doesn't piss me off. I even love that I see Kyle in the cafeteria every morning and he looks at me with the most superficial smile ever before saying in the dullest tone imaginable, "Hi, Ren." I don't care that I'm almost entirely disconnected from my parents. I don't care that the medication I've been on for about two months now has fucked up my body way beyond my comfort level. I don't care that life sucks a lot of the time. Overall, yesterday didn't suck. It rocked. I love you guys. All of you. Now I feel like I should thank the academy or something...