Fandom versus People
I had an interesting experience today. But I'll expand that. I've had an interesting experience for the last three months or so, that of becoming an absurdly enthusiastic fan of the show Supernatural, and today I had an experience as a result of that which has made me rather thoughtful. Inclined to write, to pontificate even, so here I am.
I'm good at being a fan. I fall in love with things, I do my research, I care. But I thought I was through with this kind of obsession. I was obsessed with R.E.M. as a young adult, to the point where my sister (who did not care about these people) was able to correct friends of hers who called themselves fans on finer points of trivia just from sharing a house with me. She was so horrified by this she told me immediately when she saw me next. To this day it's kind of a point of pride for me. And I've been in the same room with most of the R.E.M. fellows at this point, talked to Peter a few times because he's relatively approachable, and I haven't made too much a fool of myself, but I do revert at times to the panicky shyness that defined most of my youth.
That's why I'm so delighted that my reaction to Misha Collins today was "well, he's just a guy, isn't he." I'm a fan of this human being, no two ways about it. I know a decent amount of what he's shared publicly about his past, I delight in the subtleties of his anarchic yet deeply caring philosophies, and I've read so many fanfics, absolutely wonderful fanfics, that featured his character in compromising positions that I've lost count. And yet when I met him I didn't feel like a fan. It was wonderful to see him smile because he has a fucking gorgeous smile, but he was just a guy, and that was such an incredible relief.
- I'm not a teenager anymore! -
is my delighted reaction. And also I couldn't really lust after him when he was being such a person. I'd love to be his friend. I mean, so would thousands of other people, but that doesn't make it any less true. And then I was just watching (ok, re-watching) the Supernatural SDCC panel, and I was back in fan mode, like a switch had flipped in my head, and its ok to feel the lustiness now. Such a weird dichotomy. Being a fan is a really weird concept in and of itself, and what I really had in mind to write about before I started putting in all this background stuff.
But now it's late, and I'm tired, so that will have to be another day.
I'm good at being a fan. I fall in love with things, I do my research, I care. But I thought I was through with this kind of obsession. I was obsessed with R.E.M. as a young adult, to the point where my sister (who did not care about these people) was able to correct friends of hers who called themselves fans on finer points of trivia just from sharing a house with me. She was so horrified by this she told me immediately when she saw me next. To this day it's kind of a point of pride for me. And I've been in the same room with most of the R.E.M. fellows at this point, talked to Peter a few times because he's relatively approachable, and I haven't made too much a fool of myself, but I do revert at times to the panicky shyness that defined most of my youth.
That's why I'm so delighted that my reaction to Misha Collins today was "well, he's just a guy, isn't he." I'm a fan of this human being, no two ways about it. I know a decent amount of what he's shared publicly about his past, I delight in the subtleties of his anarchic yet deeply caring philosophies, and I've read so many fanfics, absolutely wonderful fanfics, that featured his character in compromising positions that I've lost count. And yet when I met him I didn't feel like a fan. It was wonderful to see him smile because he has a fucking gorgeous smile, but he was just a guy, and that was such an incredible relief.
- I'm not a teenager anymore! -
is my delighted reaction. And also I couldn't really lust after him when he was being such a person. I'd love to be his friend. I mean, so would thousands of other people, but that doesn't make it any less true. And then I was just watching (ok, re-watching) the Supernatural SDCC panel, and I was back in fan mode, like a switch had flipped in my head, and its ok to feel the lustiness now. Such a weird dichotomy. Being a fan is a really weird concept in and of itself, and what I really had in mind to write about before I started putting in all this background stuff.
But now it's late, and I'm tired, so that will have to be another day.