375 words short of having a purpose
Grant writing season is upon us, and as such, I have been applying my little brains out. While this is one of my least favorite aspects of academia, I have come to accept is an unfortunate but necessary part of life, like pap-smears and going to the DMV. I am willing to tolerate all manner of essays, including Personal Statements, Statements of Interest, and Personal Statements of Interest. I do not like them, but their function is not a mystery to me. What I cannot tolerate any longer, are Statements of Purpose. These are the essays that come with instructions like “please explain your purpose in applying for the above fellowship.”
What?!@ My purpose, obviously, is to acquire money. Or to be more specific, to get you to give me money. If I am feeling particularly verbose, I might have the foresight to add something like “in order to fund my education.” If I am feeling bitchy, and I always am when answering such inane questions, I will tack on to that, “dumb ass” and make a bet with myself that I will forget to delete it before handing in the final version. Any way you add it up though, I always come out about 375 words short of having a purpose.
This makes me feel silly and useless. I am tired of whoring myself out intellectually. Especially since anybody and everybody can bullshit. You can put any spin on any project and make it sound like you are about to discover the eighth wonder of the world. Believe me I have seen it. So why in gods name do the powers that be continue to torture us and themselves by requiring us to regurgitate a bunch of drivel. Prey tell.
What?!@ My purpose, obviously, is to acquire money. Or to be more specific, to get you to give me money. If I am feeling particularly verbose, I might have the foresight to add something like “in order to fund my education.” If I am feeling bitchy, and I always am when answering such inane questions, I will tack on to that, “dumb ass” and make a bet with myself that I will forget to delete it before handing in the final version. Any way you add it up though, I always come out about 375 words short of having a purpose.
This makes me feel silly and useless. I am tired of whoring myself out intellectually. Especially since anybody and everybody can bullshit. You can put any spin on any project and make it sound like you are about to discover the eighth wonder of the world. Believe me I have seen it. So why in gods name do the powers that be continue to torture us and themselves by requiring us to regurgitate a bunch of drivel. Prey tell.