I was drizzling today
My hair was getting wet as I walked from my car into the garage. Sticking to my neck, irritating, and I blink through my speckled eyeglasses. I got a package, and it too is wet, but I still am excited to open the damp cardboard. Hopefully it's something fun.
My mom is on the kitchen floor crying. Her legs have collapsed.
My hair was standing on end this afternoon, and I could feel my voice and nerves shaking as I spoke to the entirety of YES Prep. 340 employees in one room, from the CEO to a tutor who works with me in the Learning Lab. I felt pretty ridiculous, but I said what I needed to say and hoped it made sense. I sat down feeling accomplished, though I did utter some silly phrase like, "Students need to learn to self-advocate for themselves." God, what an idiot, just sit down.
I sat down next to my mom on the kitchen floor and tried to help her up. Why is this? Why are we breaking down?
I just had to write two emails to my bosses. Why is it that the more you get promoted, the more bosses you get? I thought it was suppose to be the other way around. If this keeps up, I will soon be working for all of YES Prep. I guess that's the point though. The mission rests in being accountable to all. Especially my students.
I had to write those two emails though. I had to explain that I would only be able to meet with them tomorrow for half their times because I am a Special Ed. teacher and a high school English teacher. That means I have to be at two different content meetings tomorrow. Both meetings are important, both are from 8 am until 4 pm. I am splitting them. I somehow manage to navigate the schedules and figure out a way to be in two places at once. Or at least in the right place at the right time. You know, finding the key points in the agendas and figuring out how to run back and forth.
My mom is on the floor. I can't get that image out of my head. I am sobbing.
I have to write two more emails explaining that I will be late tomorrow. I have to drive my mom to the hospital for tests. Her MS is getting worse. I can feel her slipping away.
I am afraid.
I am breaking down.
Over a year ago my mom could walk.
Over a year ago my parents were still together, I stupid enough to think in love, even.
Over a year ago I was in love.
Over a year ago... what's the fucking use.
It is now. It is not over a year ago.
I raise my mom from the floor.
I raise myself from the floor.
My mom is on the kitchen floor crying. Her legs have collapsed.
My hair was standing on end this afternoon, and I could feel my voice and nerves shaking as I spoke to the entirety of YES Prep. 340 employees in one room, from the CEO to a tutor who works with me in the Learning Lab. I felt pretty ridiculous, but I said what I needed to say and hoped it made sense. I sat down feeling accomplished, though I did utter some silly phrase like, "Students need to learn to self-advocate for themselves." God, what an idiot, just sit down.
I sat down next to my mom on the kitchen floor and tried to help her up. Why is this? Why are we breaking down?
I just had to write two emails to my bosses. Why is it that the more you get promoted, the more bosses you get? I thought it was suppose to be the other way around. If this keeps up, I will soon be working for all of YES Prep. I guess that's the point though. The mission rests in being accountable to all. Especially my students.
I had to write those two emails though. I had to explain that I would only be able to meet with them tomorrow for half their times because I am a Special Ed. teacher and a high school English teacher. That means I have to be at two different content meetings tomorrow. Both meetings are important, both are from 8 am until 4 pm. I am splitting them. I somehow manage to navigate the schedules and figure out a way to be in two places at once. Or at least in the right place at the right time. You know, finding the key points in the agendas and figuring out how to run back and forth.
My mom is on the floor. I can't get that image out of my head. I am sobbing.
I have to write two more emails explaining that I will be late tomorrow. I have to drive my mom to the hospital for tests. Her MS is getting worse. I can feel her slipping away.
I am afraid.
I am breaking down.
Over a year ago my mom could walk.
Over a year ago my parents were still together, I stupid enough to think in love, even.
Over a year ago I was in love.
Over a year ago... what's the fucking use.
It is now. It is not over a year ago.
I raise my mom from the floor.
I raise myself from the floor.