And it goes on
Today was good.
My mom's tests went well, and she will have spinal surgery in August. She will spend several weeks recovering and has decided she will stay down in Clear Lake for a month or so. I am so happy that there is some sight of hope for her. We will hope that skill defies error, and that there are no complications in her operation.
School is taking off. Today I had an incredibly intense ARD with a mom who would not stop crying. I was amazed at how calm I was. It probably helped to have a translator, because there was a barrier between us. Language based barriers can sometimes turn into a form of distance, and I guess that allows me to be more objective and calm. I didn't get caught up in her frustrations and irrationality. It's crazy how much people can twist the truth. It's almost as though she assumed I was stupid and didn't know the facts. Children are products of their parents; so it fits that a difficult, immature, irrational child would have a parent that follows.
I found out that Steven, a new instructional coach at YES, is gay. It was somewhat amusing, though equally frustrating, that he would have this name. In the long run, however, it has probably caused him to become off limits. Name association is heavy, and I just don't think I'm ready to replace a Steven with another Steven. Not to mention he's quite old. Old is good though. He's mature. He also was a lawyer for 10 years; so I know he's got bank. Wow, I'm so shallow. But hey, let's be honest, it doesn't hurt to date someone who has a great house in West U, a BMW, and wants to take you out to Mark's for dates. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself. Not to mention he's a few inches shorter than I. Okay, let's be real, that would never work. Height matters. Don't think otherwise.
I'm having trouble gauging my moods. I feel up and down so often. It's perhaps like manic and depressive states. I don't know whether to question my own sanity; or whether to just accept that a lot is happening in my life, and therefore it makes sense I would feel so conflicted and confused.
I have a date later this week. I think I'm going to skip it though. I keep doing this. I feel guilty agreeing to these things and then not following through. I think I just get so excited that I might have found someone to make me feel less rejected and alone; but then I realize that maybe I still need healing time. I really don't know. I do believe that when love comes back again, I won't be afraid. At least I hope. I hope. I have to hope.
I'm exhausted and haven't been sleeping well. This year is going to be very challenging, but I am honored to be placed in a position, or rather two, of such importance.
Stephanie has moved back. I am so happy. I need to be a good friend for her. I will be a good friend.
Things are looking up, I hope I can sleep without dreaming of things that still hurt. I hope I don't think of you when I sleep. I wish I could stop. I wish I could have understood my love when it was there; and maybe done what I should've done. Been the boyfriend I should have been.
Calm. Down.
You are young. There will be more chances.
My mom's tests went well, and she will have spinal surgery in August. She will spend several weeks recovering and has decided she will stay down in Clear Lake for a month or so. I am so happy that there is some sight of hope for her. We will hope that skill defies error, and that there are no complications in her operation.
School is taking off. Today I had an incredibly intense ARD with a mom who would not stop crying. I was amazed at how calm I was. It probably helped to have a translator, because there was a barrier between us. Language based barriers can sometimes turn into a form of distance, and I guess that allows me to be more objective and calm. I didn't get caught up in her frustrations and irrationality. It's crazy how much people can twist the truth. It's almost as though she assumed I was stupid and didn't know the facts. Children are products of their parents; so it fits that a difficult, immature, irrational child would have a parent that follows.
I found out that Steven, a new instructional coach at YES, is gay. It was somewhat amusing, though equally frustrating, that he would have this name. In the long run, however, it has probably caused him to become off limits. Name association is heavy, and I just don't think I'm ready to replace a Steven with another Steven. Not to mention he's quite old. Old is good though. He's mature. He also was a lawyer for 10 years; so I know he's got bank. Wow, I'm so shallow. But hey, let's be honest, it doesn't hurt to date someone who has a great house in West U, a BMW, and wants to take you out to Mark's for dates. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself. Not to mention he's a few inches shorter than I. Okay, let's be real, that would never work. Height matters. Don't think otherwise.
I'm having trouble gauging my moods. I feel up and down so often. It's perhaps like manic and depressive states. I don't know whether to question my own sanity; or whether to just accept that a lot is happening in my life, and therefore it makes sense I would feel so conflicted and confused.
I have a date later this week. I think I'm going to skip it though. I keep doing this. I feel guilty agreeing to these things and then not following through. I think I just get so excited that I might have found someone to make me feel less rejected and alone; but then I realize that maybe I still need healing time. I really don't know. I do believe that when love comes back again, I won't be afraid. At least I hope. I hope. I have to hope.
I'm exhausted and haven't been sleeping well. This year is going to be very challenging, but I am honored to be placed in a position, or rather two, of such importance.
Stephanie has moved back. I am so happy. I need to be a good friend for her. I will be a good friend.
Things are looking up, I hope I can sleep without dreaming of things that still hurt. I hope I don't think of you when I sleep. I wish I could stop. I wish I could have understood my love when it was there; and maybe done what I should've done. Been the boyfriend I should have been.
Calm. Down.
You are young. There will be more chances.