the flicker
i used to think that it was better to be angry than to be sad, b/c anger is the emotion of power and action. usually anger leaves you some recourse beyond what the passivity of grief can offer.
so a lot of times when i felt sad, i would convert it into anger, an emotion i felt more comfortable with. anger lets you pass the buck along in a way sadness doesn't. it offers an entrancing combination of blame, fault, adrenaline, and the possibility of retribution (or "justice")--all of which make for nice distractions from simply feeling your own emotional pain.
but i'm fed up with my anger. it's not good for me. my writing suffers. my conversation suffers. i can tell people are annoyed by me.
sigh. negative thought patterns. hamster wheels.
at the very least it is spring.
so a lot of times when i felt sad, i would convert it into anger, an emotion i felt more comfortable with. anger lets you pass the buck along in a way sadness doesn't. it offers an entrancing combination of blame, fault, adrenaline, and the possibility of retribution (or "justice")--all of which make for nice distractions from simply feeling your own emotional pain.
but i'm fed up with my anger. it's not good for me. my writing suffers. my conversation suffers. i can tell people are annoyed by me.
sigh. negative thought patterns. hamster wheels.
at the very least it is spring.