Another century of pointing guns at anything that moves.....
sooooo i am officially ready for summer! falling asleep in class and not caring is definitely a good sign of that! i'm making my plans for those wonderful 2 months or so....it's gonna be great. but yeah. Sabrina and I stayed after school and "helped" out with middle school cheerleading. i happened to catch Jake b4 he got a ride home from Chris, and i conned him into coming. lol. we basically threw around a hockey puck and threw sabrina in the middle of a cheer mat the whole time. and then, something AMAZING happened....
WE WERE ALONE.....
okay, that is like a FIRST, bcuz that NEVER happens. only time i ever see him is before last period or on the bus, and you can't really do or say anything you want to. but anyway....sabrina locked him and i in the room with all the wrestling and cheerleading mats, where concessions are, and he pulled me to him and just HELD ME THERE, for the longest time.....it was AMAZING. he kept pulling me closer and closer...and edging his lips closer and closer...until we were touching foreheads and trying to look in each other's eyes from like, centimeters apart. but nothing actually HAPPENED....'cept a kiss on the cheek. my heart was beating so fast, it's not even funny. i probably should have, but i didn't..... i think he was pretty disappointed....his tone of voice when he had to go gave it away.
still not sure if he likes me though.....and the thing is, we keep holding hands on the way to school on the bus, and he said that him and lacey are broke up but not technically (they're not talking), and i just don't know....i can't tell if he's just flirting madly, or what! i don't want it to be like that, to be "friends with benefits" that's just crap, and i won't do it. i can't tell if he's just a horribly major flirt, or if he likes me, or BOTH. i don't even KNOW him, so i'm afraid to go out with him and get myself into something i don't want to have to deal with....hmm....he did say that...well, ok, i asked him on the bus the other day if he was still goin out with lacey, and he's like, i don't know. we're not talking. and i said i didn't really care, cuz i was gonna stay single all summer. and he goes, well duh me too! and then today, sabrina asked him if we were gonna go out, and he goes, "well , she said she wants to stay single this summer." and i was like, DAMN IT! so i suspect he probably WOULD go out with me...i don't know. i need to talk to him. i need encouragement, and a script!
john keeps calling me...he desperately wants to go out with me. it's not cool man, cuz i knew he was gonna do that to me. oh well...i'm done with that. i do desperately wish we could be together, but i can't do that. there's no point, and i'm just setting myself up to fall back down. but yes, i will go now after boring you all forever.