what the FUCK is my DAMN problem?
i had a great day. i got lost a few times, but it was great! eric clapton was amazing! but the whole time i was there i was thinking about toren. im always thinking about him. i need to see him. but i cant... part of its money, but i could get it. most of it is, im just now getting a tiny bit used to him not being here. if i go out to california and see him, im going to have to say goodbye again. i could cry just thinking about that. im always trying to block out the days leading up to the last night i saw him, saying goodbye to him ripped my heart out. it hurts so much. i have all these thoughts run through my head and they make me sick to my stomach. everyone said it gets easier, why the fuck isnt it getting easier!!!??? for me it just gets worse. shit damn fuck piss... im going to bed.