Processing and trying not to sound like an entitled brat

[yeishlitikvah]

There are a couple  things recently going on with my dad's gf.

One
On xmas we went over to Shari's house for a few hours, just to  get together. WHile we were there it occured to me, that my dad and her kids are referring to her as Nikki's grandma. Which was really weird.

Later that nite I found myself crying about it. I don't begrudge her being

Comments

[yeishlitikvah]

(IE I assume when Nikki is older you'll want to tell her about your mom. if your dad is grandpa and shari is grandma, then who is your mom? thats probably what's upsetting you, right?)

exactly

Nikki is named after my mom, so obviously at some point it will be addressed.

I think if it was just divorce I wouldn't be as 'emotional' as to the absence/'replacement' of my mom. I intellectually know that's not what's going on, but I can't help but feel/resent that non-implication.

I know no one is saying this to upset me, but it does, and I think to say it makes me sound about twelve.

The backstory on my parents. My parents' divorce was final three weeks before I got engaged. My dad didn't start the divorce process until my last semester of college(he justified it by wanting to know know college was paid for)

I got married after a six month engagement. My mom passed 7 months almost to the day of my wedding. We were married August 21, we got the phone call March 20.

let me rephrase that, my grandfather called my cell phone and demanded to speak to my husband, as he couldn't 'tell me'.

This is the short version, there is so much other complicated shit in the situation, but what else is new.

[debsters1101]

you are not acting like a 12 year old. you lost your mother and nobody should expect you to get over that... ever. I mean it's not like you're hysterical that your dad is dating... you seem to have a good relationship with Shari, why not take her aside, or even set up a coffee date with her, and explain to her that it has nothing to do with her, but rather with the feeling of sadness over the fact that your mother is not here to enjoy Nikki. and that you do want Nikki to see her as a grandmother figure so you want to ask her what she would like to be called, other than just plain grandma. unless she is the evil stepmother, I am SURE she will understand.

[yeishlitikvah]

I think right now we could call SHari 'micky mouse' (my dad might like that, nevermind) and I'd still be upset. I know it has nothing to do with her.

It took me about 6 weeks to even think about buying something with the word 'grandma' on it. It was a Carter's bib that said 'on the go to grandma' or soemthing liek that. It was less than $1, lol. At that poitn I realized she has Mike's mom, and to avoid all 'grandma' stuff, is that an alienation or denial of my mil who doesn't deserve that.