(no subject)
I have just passed my shodan exam, three years after my dad started needling me to do it. So, I have a black belt in Aikido now (actually I don't, I hope my dad has an old one he can lend me). I have learned a lot in these three years, and I don't regret saying no when I felt I wasn't ready. I was struggling with a lot of things back then. Today, it was almost effortless. I finished with a perfect throw, with the added bonus of making everyone LOL because I accidentally threw my uke at the people who were watching and someone said, 'want me to open the window for you?'
After we were all done, my father said I'd changed from someone who used to look scared when the attack came to someone who sets her own pace and who is in complete control the whole time.
I think getting fitter and stronger played a good part in that, because it gave me confidence, but there was something else. I've changed, especially during this last year. Things happened that made me change, taught me to accept things I can't control, to not waste my energy fighting what can't be avoided and to accept criticism, even if it feels unfair. And, well, this translated into a sense of calm in the dojo that I'd never felt before. I'm all bruised and achy, and it feels pretty damn good!
But, you know, this means I haven't managed to watch the SPN finale yet, and I've got band rehearsal in 15 mins and I still have to shower so I'm avoiding the internet in general until maybe tomorrow.
After we were all done, my father said I'd changed from someone who used to look scared when the attack came to someone who sets her own pace and who is in complete control the whole time.
I think getting fitter and stronger played a good part in that, because it gave me confidence, but there was something else. I've changed, especially during this last year. Things happened that made me change, taught me to accept things I can't control, to not waste my energy fighting what can't be avoided and to accept criticism, even if it feels unfair. And, well, this translated into a sense of calm in the dojo that I'd never felt before. I'm all bruised and achy, and it feels pretty damn good!
But, you know, this means I haven't managed to watch the SPN finale yet, and I've got band rehearsal in 15 mins and I still have to shower so I'm avoiding the internet in general until maybe tomorrow.