I Walk Alone...Who Would Walk Beside Me?
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh-Ah
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everythings all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh-Ah
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah I walk alone, I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a..
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then I walk alone!
My God...few of you have any idea how well that describes me right now...walking alone, with no one but my shadow, the two of us walking down through my broken dreams...It's too unreal. I listened to this song tonight driving home from work. I was on an empty back road, it was dark and foggy, and there were a few lights on in the distance, but nothing near me. It was such an experience...it was my thoughts incarnate. I wasdriving through the recesses of my mind, and everything was there. It's dark and lonely for me right now. I can see the light of truth for others with ease through the darkness...but they are far from me, for I'm still on the dark empty road.
I've been through this point in my life before, and it pains me to think that I haven't learned yet...learned from my mistake...learned that happiness isn't made for me. It's obvious now...all too obvious. I live my life as a tortured soul, wailing in the night, yet unheard and unseen. I tried being happy, once...it was the best moment of my life...*sigh*...but it seems so long ago, and it's only been a few months. Before that is all darkness, just as it is now. I don't know if it would'v ebeen better for me not to have tasted the forbidden fruit, or if the pain was worth it. It was inevitable that I was going to fall into darkness again...the only only questions were how much time did I have left, and how far would I have to fall? Maybe it would've saved a lot of pain for everyone involved if I had kept to the shadows such as I have always done. It probably would've been best if I had never touched anyone's life, if no one had ever heard or seen me ever, because then I couldn't drag them down with me, nor would they have to worry about feeling for me when I fell again.
I walk the hallways, the streets, the concords, and the allyways...I see something, whether god, fate, destiny...idk...but it's there, and it snickers at me. It shows me the happiness that everyone around me had...the same happiness that it denies me out of its own pleasure. Life enjoys seeing me wallowing in sorrow...and I think I've come to accept it. There's something about me...something that makes me different from every other member of this species I claim to be from...and this isn't good different "I'm unique!" kinda thing...this is "I just don't belong..." kinda thing. I mean...how many people have I ever connected with? Seriously? Who am I kidding to claim that I deserve what everyone else does? I'm not normal, I'm not even close. If someone bothers to read this...just take a moment and think about things...think about when you pass me somewhere...think about the people around me...notice anything? Did you ever notice how no one speaks to me, no one looks at me...hell, some people even shy away from me. now, think about me...ever notice how I spend most of my time walking looking at the floor? Ever wonder why? Well, whether you care or not, I'm gonna tell you. It's because I know how other people think and feel...I know that people become uncomfortable when I look at them. They give a weak smile, then hurry along so they don't have to spend any more time near me than is necessary. Just watch...pay attention to the small things, you'll be amazed.
I don't think I fall into any of the classifications or stereotyping of most high schoolers. I sure as hell am not part of the "popular" group...I'm not much of a jock, nor a nerd or a geek...I don't have anything in common with others that are normally made fun of, so I'm not a freak...and I'm not a loner, because I'm not alone by choice. I yearn for human connection...but I recieve nothing but hostility. Oh, I know people are gonna probably comment on this or at least think "Oh, it's not that bad. I'm your friend." ARE YOU REALLY? If someone askes you who your friends are, do you ever name me? DO YOU EVEN THINK OF ME? Please...I've even had a kid ask some people who said they were my "friends" to name as many friends as they could think of...they named their core group, ofcourse, and a few others...but not me. If you can't even say that I'm your friend behind my back, how the hell do you manage it while looking into my thoughts here? Is it out of pity? Probably not, because to feel pity, you have to feel bad about a situation. Which of you care about me? HUH? Which of you, after reading my most recent rants, after speaking with me, after thinking about it all...which of you could honostly say you could care about something like me? I don't give a shit about who says they're friends with me right now...because I think I'm done with "friends" for a while...what I want to know is who out there really, truely cares about me? Who out there feels something in their souls tugging them towards me? Who could ever say that they love me?
I'm sure maybe some before, but after you've seen the real me...who could now? I think I'm starting to believe that maybe I shouldn't go looking for happiness anymore...maybe I should just give up on it, and just strive to make it through life. I think things will be better for everyone if I stay out of their lives.
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone