Impermanence
So I had a horrible dream last night.....yeah so what, those of you who know me know that all my dreams are horrible which is why I am not afraid of them anymore. However, last night was the first time in a while when my dream was so disconcerting I had to jerk myself awake and sleep with my light on for the rest of the night. Also it gave me an epiphany....and it is that of impermanence.....
The only thing that is permanent in this world is it impermanence. We will not always have our hopes and dreams. We will not always have our points of view. We will not always have ourselves. The world is ever changing. That is the only thing that does not change. People fall out of love. Friends will not always be there for you and if you try to hold on to something too tight it will only slip away that much sooner.
Forever is just too long of a time for humans. I think that maybe we just can't take it. We, in our universal ADD, can't live with things never changing because we get bored.
I know that this is all something that we all sort of know but in my dream it was so clear and real. You know, like when you squint and you can only see a blur and you can guess what it is but you don't see it completely. All the sudden when you open your eyes you see it for what it is and for that split second you are not angry, disappointed, happy, sad or any emotion. You simple see it for what it is and accept it. In that one moment all of it just exists no question or emotion.
I don't know that is my deep thought for the day....its kinda lame....ahh well I am tired and hungry.
Oh yeah and that wasn't the scary part of the dream that was just the realization.
Why it was so scary is that we all had class in basement at the far end of mac. In a room that does not exist. Everyone was there even some friends from home and other various places. So we got to the classroom and one of my teachers began to laugh at me and ask me how I could honestly believe I would ever make it in the class. I was too stupid. So stupid that I didn't even realize it, so stupid that I thought she would pass me....This however did not bother me. I looked at her and told her that she is the stupid one. After all we all know that those who can't do; teach. So she just probably couldn't hack it in the real world. (Yeah I know evil). After that Barbie (as in Mead) shows up and she is mad at the teacher because the teacher bothered her one too many times. So a cracked Barbie walks in the room and she is repeating, 'none of you are good enough' and she has this glazed look in her eyes and her voice starts to get louder and louder as she walks in to the room. The door has locked behind her and we all know something bad is going to happen. Some people start to freak out and run around banging on the windows but the windows are won't open and can't be broken. It is then that we notice that Barbie had an envelope in her hand and not a gun or knife, or other device used for killing. The people who had been banging on the windows suddenly start screaming and we turn to see their hands rotting or disintegrating or something. Blood is everywhere and some people start to sob, rubbing their blood soaked stubs, which were once hands, on their faces. Barbie, as it turns out had a powder in her envelope that eats away at flesh. She had poured some on the window sills prior to class. She then advanced toward us; we were all cowering in the corner farthest away from her. She walked one-by-one to each person and blew the powder in their face. There faces would bleed and puss and melt away through their bodies leaving nothing but a big red stain on the floor. As she approached me she winked, blew the powder in my face and said, 'good'. I inhaled and there was automatically a burning sensation and a snap. My spine had been the first thing to erode away and it had snapped. The pain became unbearable, my body split in two and just when I thought the pain couldn't get any worse....I WOKE UP! I ran out of bed turned on my light, checked to make sure my door was locked and went back to sleep.
I just thought I would share after all everyone of you were there and died as well.
The only thing that is permanent in this world is it impermanence. We will not always have our hopes and dreams. We will not always have our points of view. We will not always have ourselves. The world is ever changing. That is the only thing that does not change. People fall out of love. Friends will not always be there for you and if you try to hold on to something too tight it will only slip away that much sooner.
Forever is just too long of a time for humans. I think that maybe we just can't take it. We, in our universal ADD, can't live with things never changing because we get bored.
I know that this is all something that we all sort of know but in my dream it was so clear and real. You know, like when you squint and you can only see a blur and you can guess what it is but you don't see it completely. All the sudden when you open your eyes you see it for what it is and for that split second you are not angry, disappointed, happy, sad or any emotion. You simple see it for what it is and accept it. In that one moment all of it just exists no question or emotion.
I don't know that is my deep thought for the day....its kinda lame....ahh well I am tired and hungry.
Oh yeah and that wasn't the scary part of the dream that was just the realization.
Why it was so scary is that we all had class in basement at the far end of mac. In a room that does not exist. Everyone was there even some friends from home and other various places. So we got to the classroom and one of my teachers began to laugh at me and ask me how I could honestly believe I would ever make it in the class. I was too stupid. So stupid that I didn't even realize it, so stupid that I thought she would pass me....This however did not bother me. I looked at her and told her that she is the stupid one. After all we all know that those who can't do; teach. So she just probably couldn't hack it in the real world. (Yeah I know evil). After that Barbie (as in Mead) shows up and she is mad at the teacher because the teacher bothered her one too many times. So a cracked Barbie walks in the room and she is repeating, 'none of you are good enough' and she has this glazed look in her eyes and her voice starts to get louder and louder as she walks in to the room. The door has locked behind her and we all know something bad is going to happen. Some people start to freak out and run around banging on the windows but the windows are won't open and can't be broken. It is then that we notice that Barbie had an envelope in her hand and not a gun or knife, or other device used for killing. The people who had been banging on the windows suddenly start screaming and we turn to see their hands rotting or disintegrating or something. Blood is everywhere and some people start to sob, rubbing their blood soaked stubs, which were once hands, on their faces. Barbie, as it turns out had a powder in her envelope that eats away at flesh. She had poured some on the window sills prior to class. She then advanced toward us; we were all cowering in the corner farthest away from her. She walked one-by-one to each person and blew the powder in their face. There faces would bleed and puss and melt away through their bodies leaving nothing but a big red stain on the floor. As she approached me she winked, blew the powder in my face and said, 'good'. I inhaled and there was automatically a burning sensation and a snap. My spine had been the first thing to erode away and it had snapped. The pain became unbearable, my body split in two and just when I thought the pain couldn't get any worse....I WOKE UP! I ran out of bed turned on my light, checked to make sure my door was locked and went back to sleep.
I just thought I would share after all everyone of you were there and died as well.