(no subject)
I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow morning with my primary (in whom I have very little confidence as she repeatedly forgets I am in recovery and needs reminding that, no, I can't take those drugs...) about my carpal tunnel. The next step is ordering a nerve conduction study and pending those results, scheduling surgery.
Totally cool with all of that until about five minutes ago. All of a sudden i'm kind of freaking out. I don't do doctors unless I need medication. I haven't had a physical in more than a decade. I don't go in for anything other than ENT issues because I don't like being touched. I don't like being out of control, and I don't like doctors thinking they know my body better than I do.
Nerve conduction studies aren't pleasant. Everybody I've talked to tells me that the discomfort levels vary but at times it gets quite uncomfortable. I can handle that as long as I don't psych myself out, but usually I'd rely on a benzo to help me stay calm. I have nothing at all now, and that's freaking me out.
And then surgery. I have to approach it all differently. No pain meds, no sedation. I don't even know what they'll use to put me under. I think, from an addiction perspective, I'd rather just get a nerve block and stay fully conscious, but I'm not sure how feasable that is. If OTC pain meds won't cut it, I have to take non-opiod medications that everybody knows don't come close to taking care of pain, but it's just too important for me to steer clear of the opiates.
It's such a fucking hassle. And I have nothing to help me deal with the anxiety.
Totally cool with all of that until about five minutes ago. All of a sudden i'm kind of freaking out. I don't do doctors unless I need medication. I haven't had a physical in more than a decade. I don't go in for anything other than ENT issues because I don't like being touched. I don't like being out of control, and I don't like doctors thinking they know my body better than I do.
Nerve conduction studies aren't pleasant. Everybody I've talked to tells me that the discomfort levels vary but at times it gets quite uncomfortable. I can handle that as long as I don't psych myself out, but usually I'd rely on a benzo to help me stay calm. I have nothing at all now, and that's freaking me out.
And then surgery. I have to approach it all differently. No pain meds, no sedation. I don't even know what they'll use to put me under. I think, from an addiction perspective, I'd rather just get a nerve block and stay fully conscious, but I'm not sure how feasable that is. If OTC pain meds won't cut it, I have to take non-opiod medications that everybody knows don't come close to taking care of pain, but it's just too important for me to steer clear of the opiates.
It's such a fucking hassle. And I have nothing to help me deal with the anxiety.