So I know I'm updating a ton but what can I say? I'm making up for lost time, and I'm snowed in and bored. Anyway, the point is. Actually there are several points
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I suppose for me its the fantasy side of it? Something exciting, something different, that will probably not occur with me (or, I guess I'm just assuming that seeing as I've had so little of a life?) D/s I first really learned about/got into with the Xena Conqueror stories, and even now, if I'm in the mood for something like that, since I can't just go out and do it... I turn back to those stories. It fulfills a need, that I don't really know yet if I actually have in real life.
Some of the other kinks though... When I was younger, and really not even remotely age appropriate for any of it, incest kinda grabbed my attention, but always m/f. I don't really know why, or what it was about it, but for awhile that was my thing. But only in fic related venues. Not only do I find it taboo but I find it unconscionable in real life. Now, if I read it in fic it's usually f/f, though if there are well written ones that don't completely wig me out on the pairings I could probably do those to. Reading this and thinking about it, it's
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What you said in the first part of your comment makes a lot of sense. I think that was very, very true for me, pre-D/s. It was sort of testing the waters, reading it, learning about it, without actually putting myself in a compromising position. It's a safe outlet, and that's always nice.
I feel like the earliest forms of fanfic were so uncensored and unprecedented that a lot of people in our age bracket read things and saw things that were not necessarily age appropriate. We found new things, we learned new things about the world, we learned new things about the possibilities in our own lives (here, that obviously applies to sex). I can't say that my tastes in what I've read have changed very much, fundamentally over the years. Even pre-lesbian (not actually, but pre-realisation), the things I read were mainly f/f. There were exceptions of course, but, like you with your D/s explorations, I read f/f sort of as a gage, to see where it led me, to fulfill an unknown need.
Yeah, that's it. It was safe. Can experience with out fear, see how things feel in your own mind before you actually try it out.
What I look back on now, having realized and accepted my sexuality as much as I have, fic was the start of that realization. Though I was into sam/jack and harm/sarah and john/delenn pairings and fic when I was younger and xena/gabrielle was really the only variation on that theme, what really affected me, opened a whole new world to me was the f/f stuff I read. Like, I could talk about (though I look back on that embarassed as all hell now) the het stuff (not hard core anything, but just the pairings) with my dad (who pretty much raised me) the f/f stuff was my little secret that I never shared with anyone. It wasn't until later, when I started to figure things out, that that secrecy made any sense to me.
I whole-heartedly concur haha. Though Xena was never a fandom I got into (I know, I know, bad lesbian, no biscuit), what you described is basically exactly how I was with the SVU fandom, with Alex/Olivia. I can just imagine all the people reading my fic at the time were probably like "Yeah, she's a little lesbian, she just doesn't know it yet." XD
hehehe. Yeah... Liv/Alex was I think the last f/f pairing I was really into before I realized that, what do you know, I might be gay. Well, them and Kim/Kerry from ER, but I got led to that one because I fell in love with Elizabeth Mitchell and her curly blonde hair...
But Liv/Alex I could totally see on tv, and then i went googling (or whatever we did before google) and lo and behold, other people saw it to. I don't even want to know what people thought of conversations revolving around SVU, which I talked about A LOT... .... damn... I've missed Stephanie March...
Stephanie March is still one of my favourite people ever. She's just so beautiful and the glasses of justice did me in, the end. XD I'm 99% sure that I saw her at 9 to 5 one night. I like...couldn't breathe the whole show, haha.
The glasses of justice! OMG... One of the first fanvids I EVER saw was this epistle to her glasses. I haven't seen that in years...
I went to NYC to see Wicked twice after I graduated uni but really i went to see her in a play :) Where she was utterly gorgeous, gave me a hug, and I about died. And then, one of my best friends worked in NYC for a year and would send me random emails that said "I saw that actress you love/obsess over" throughout that year when I was first in Japan and I about died.
I remember I made a donation to Safe Horizon in honor of her wedding, and like 6 months later I went to check my mail while I was at uni and there, in my mail box, was a handwritten letter from her and Bobby (she wrote it). I stood in front of my mail box staring at it like an idiot for 5 minutes, ignoring at least ten people who asked me if I was ok. That thing is still very safely preserved. And the envelope. Cause, I had her mailing address now.
Ummm I might hate you a little bit. :-p Bobby Flay is the luckiest man in the universe, I'm just saying. Between her and Mariska and Angie Harmon, I had my power females all set. Guh.
When I got back to my room and actually read it, I had on my white parade gloves that only ever got pulled out for inspections cause I was absolutely TERRIFIED of smudging it. And I squealed just a little (ok a lot).
Believe me, it was hard not to turn into stalker mode the first time I went to NYC...
I know! I miss that trifecta... Those were the freaking days...
Some of the other kinks though... When I was younger, and really not even remotely age appropriate for any of it, incest kinda grabbed my attention, but always m/f. I don't really know why, or what it was about it, but for awhile that was my thing. But only in fic related venues. Not only do I find it taboo but I find it unconscionable in real life. Now, if I read it in fic it's usually f/f, though if there are well written ones that don't completely wig me out on the pairings I could probably do those to. Reading this and thinking about it, it's ( ... )
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I feel like the earliest forms of fanfic were so uncensored and unprecedented that a lot of people in our age bracket read things and saw things that were not necessarily age appropriate. We found new things, we learned new things about the world, we learned new things about the possibilities in our own lives (here, that obviously applies to sex). I can't say that my tastes in what I've read have changed very much, fundamentally over the years. Even pre-lesbian (not actually, but pre-realisation), the things I read were mainly f/f. There were exceptions of course, but, like you with your D/s explorations, I read f/f sort of as a gage, to see where it led me, to fulfill an unknown need.
Reply
What I look back on now, having realized and accepted my sexuality as much as I have, fic was the start of that realization. Though I was into sam/jack and harm/sarah and john/delenn pairings and fic when I was younger and xena/gabrielle was really the only variation on that theme, what really affected me, opened a whole new world to me was the f/f stuff I read. Like, I could talk about (though I look back on that embarassed as all hell now) the het stuff (not hard core anything, but just the pairings) with my dad (who pretty much raised me) the f/f stuff was my little secret that I never shared with anyone. It wasn't until later, when I started to figure things out, that that secrecy made any sense to me.
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But Liv/Alex I could totally see on tv, and then i went googling (or whatever we did before google) and lo and behold, other people saw it to. I don't even want to know what people thought of conversations revolving around SVU, which I talked about A LOT... .... damn... I've missed Stephanie March...
Reply
Reply
I went to NYC to see Wicked twice after I graduated uni but really i went to see her in a play :) Where she was utterly gorgeous, gave me a hug, and I about died. And then, one of my best friends worked in NYC for a year and would send me random emails that said "I saw that actress you love/obsess over" throughout that year when I was first in Japan and I about died.
I remember I made a donation to Safe Horizon in honor of her wedding, and like 6 months later I went to check my mail while I was at uni and there, in my mail box, was a handwritten letter from her and Bobby (she wrote it). I stood in front of my mail box staring at it like an idiot for 5 minutes, ignoring at least ten people who asked me if I was ok. That thing is still very safely preserved. And the envelope. Cause, I had her mailing address now.
Reply
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Believe me, it was hard not to turn into stalker mode the first time I went to NYC...
I know! I miss that trifecta... Those were the freaking days...
Reply
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