(no subject)
So I know I'm updating a ton but what can I say? I'm making up for lost time, and I'm snowed in and bored. Anyway, the point is. Actually there are several points.
Firstly, I miss D/s. Incredibly and amazingly so. But I miss it in a kind of abstract way, because I know my life isn't conducive to it anymore. Not right now anyway. But I miss the purpose, I miss the service, I miss the certainty of knowing someone was on my side in absolutely every way imaginable (or at least the illusion of that). But my brain is so incredibly out of the mindset to be a good sub or a good Domme, I don't even know where to start. It used to be woven into my every action, and part of that doesn't exist now because my anxiety has diminished so notably (thankfully), but the rest of it was me trying my damnedest to distance myself from a lifestyle I could no longer lead. There are certain situations, certain scenarios which bring me back to that. It's part of me, it won't ever fully disappear, but overall, it's not there like it used to be. I should work on that, because, well and truly, it made me a more stable, happy person. I was rereading bits of my S/S/a saga yesterday and the day before, and it made me a little melancholy, because that used to be my life. Not exactly, of course (I can only wish, haha), but the fundamentals were the same. Life was balanced, it made sense, nothing was out of order. There was an algorithm for everything. Maybe I should go back to them, to get my mind focused again.
Secondly, I wish I had the abilities of some people to put their lives first. Everyone has their priorities. Mine has always been and will always be my heart. It's never been my mind. I envy people who live the opposite way, though I'm sure the grass is simply always greener.
Thirdly, sort of back to the first topic...sort of...I was thinking recently, with the launch of 2010's incest ficathon, about people's kinks and their lives. I know, having lived it for a couple of years, that there is a VAST difference between perceived kink and actual kink. There are many, many things that I would consider at the very least soft limits, which, when put to paper are not only acceptable but craved. Some of it is in writing style, some of it is just merely a lapse between actuality and imagination...I'm curious for everyone's thoughts on the differences, on how common it is to find things desirable in fictional form and to be completely unmoved by them in reality. Incest, I guess, is a very common one. The thought of that in reality (in MY reality, specifically, I guess. I don't mind anyone else's, really) is completely disgusting. It makes my stomach turn. And yet, every time I see that warning tag on a fic, I'm more than tempted to click it (and usually do, providing it's well written and cohesive). Is it merely for the taboo factor? If so, why are somethings appealing and others still not? Why do things work for you while others don't? Just something I've been thinking on lately.
I'll open this post to anon, non-IP-logged commenting. Be nice, please. Respect is absolutely required or this entire discussion is null and I'll be very disappointed in my flist.
Firstly, I miss D/s. Incredibly and amazingly so. But I miss it in a kind of abstract way, because I know my life isn't conducive to it anymore. Not right now anyway. But I miss the purpose, I miss the service, I miss the certainty of knowing someone was on my side in absolutely every way imaginable (or at least the illusion of that). But my brain is so incredibly out of the mindset to be a good sub or a good Domme, I don't even know where to start. It used to be woven into my every action, and part of that doesn't exist now because my anxiety has diminished so notably (thankfully), but the rest of it was me trying my damnedest to distance myself from a lifestyle I could no longer lead. There are certain situations, certain scenarios which bring me back to that. It's part of me, it won't ever fully disappear, but overall, it's not there like it used to be. I should work on that, because, well and truly, it made me a more stable, happy person. I was rereading bits of my S/S/a saga yesterday and the day before, and it made me a little melancholy, because that used to be my life. Not exactly, of course (I can only wish, haha), but the fundamentals were the same. Life was balanced, it made sense, nothing was out of order. There was an algorithm for everything. Maybe I should go back to them, to get my mind focused again.
Secondly, I wish I had the abilities of some people to put their lives first. Everyone has their priorities. Mine has always been and will always be my heart. It's never been my mind. I envy people who live the opposite way, though I'm sure the grass is simply always greener.
Thirdly, sort of back to the first topic...sort of...I was thinking recently, with the launch of 2010's incest ficathon, about people's kinks and their lives. I know, having lived it for a couple of years, that there is a VAST difference between perceived kink and actual kink. There are many, many things that I would consider at the very least soft limits, which, when put to paper are not only acceptable but craved. Some of it is in writing style, some of it is just merely a lapse between actuality and imagination...I'm curious for everyone's thoughts on the differences, on how common it is to find things desirable in fictional form and to be completely unmoved by them in reality. Incest, I guess, is a very common one. The thought of that in reality (in MY reality, specifically, I guess. I don't mind anyone else's, really) is completely disgusting. It makes my stomach turn. And yet, every time I see that warning tag on a fic, I'm more than tempted to click it (and usually do, providing it's well written and cohesive). Is it merely for the taboo factor? If so, why are somethings appealing and others still not? Why do things work for you while others don't? Just something I've been thinking on lately.
I'll open this post to anon, non-IP-logged commenting. Be nice, please. Respect is absolutely required or this entire discussion is null and I'll be very disappointed in my flist.