Taion
Title: Taion
Genre: slight angst, romance
Pairing: ReitaxRuki, OCxRuki
Warnings: OC character death, angst, bad english.
Summary: Taion, it means body temperature.
Comments: Well, another fic I’ve written months ago but didn’t get myself to finish it… Until today, cause I was bored outta my mind
Taion, it means body temperature. I remembered why I had written this song in the first place. It was because he had died from the car accident. The night before he died, I dreamt that he had a car accident… His body was lying motionless at the side of the road. Blood was soaking his hair and clothes to crimson red; a car with shattered windows stationed a couple of feet away from his body. More and more onlookers were gathering around the scene, the siren of the ambulance was getting louder and louder with each second. However, nobody seems to be paying attention to me. I was screaming and crying out loud, clutching my head, desperately calling for him to come back. I couldn’t believe it was real, he couldn’t have died. He just couldn’t! Then he woke me up immediately, obviously having disturbed by me trashing about in my sleep. I hugged him tight as soon as I woke up; having the need to feel that he was still there, with me, and not dead.
But that’s what it was; a nightmare come true, for he had the car accident the next day. I was like a mindless shell after that accident. I felt so lost and confused. I would only lie on our bed, letting the tears fall freely, trying to convince myself that this just wasn’t happening, and not bothering to move except when in urgency to go to the bathroom to relieve myself. After that I would immediately rush back to the bed and jump into it, hugging the tear-soaked pillows tightly, breathing in the scent that still lingered around. The scent of him.
I missed him so much. The warmth of his body, the special cologne that only he has, the deep voice of his that never fails to get me aroused, the way his chest would rise up and down with each breath he takes, the way his body will shake with laughter, the way his eyes lit up when I did something special, the way lust would overtake him every time I touch him, the way he would cover my face with many light kisses to distract me from the pain when he penetrates me, the way he would whisper many soft ‘I love you’s into my ear after the both of us have climaxed, the way that he would hug me tightly even after the both of us have fallen asleep from exhaustion, the way that - I... I just missed him too much. So much until it’s slowly killing me from inside.
I tried forgetting about him. I tried to force myself to clean the house, to dispose of any trace of him. But every corner of this house reminds of him, every single memory resurfaces so clearly, so clear that I was liable to think that he was still alive, and just right in front of me. I would always take a step forward, wishing to be held by him like before, only to come back to reality when I stepped into nothing but thin air. Then I would leave the house as it is. I just needed this memory to cling on to the last of him. I was slowly going crazy at that point of time, but I needed him, I WANT him back.
Many times I tried to be reunited with him again, only to have my plan foiled by my friends. As usual, I poured my feelings into my work; my other place of sanity; the only way to release my emotions. Ever since then, this song became a must-sing song in every live, conveying the feelings to all my fans, and most of all, hoping that it might reach him, wishing that he understands my pain to even live and just hurry to take me with him.
Three years had passed since the car crash, and with the help of my friends, band mates, family; I finally was able to get over his death. I’m so glad I didn’t do anything silly after all; otherwise I would have missed out everything I had now, the love from everyone, especially Reita. He had helped me the most, taking all nonsense from me without a single word of complaint. He taught me how to love again, after being so numbed after his death; he had guided me every step with patience, never once blowing up at me, until today and forever I hope.
Now, the song is sung as a song of memory, gratitude. Today is the 5th anniversary of The GazettE, also the day of his car crash. As I sang this song, I once again poured my heart into it; my love for him; my hate for him; my longing for him; my every single memory with him; my loneliness; my desperation; and finally, my love and gratitude to everyone and most of all, Reita. Memories of his and my past resurface clearly again as the song comes to an end, the emotions once again unburied.
“Doushite…?! Doushite…? Doushite…”
I can feel Reita’s gaze burning into my back as I kneeled on the floor, repeating that word. Even though I still missed him a lot, I still felt grateful for what I have now. I still have some doubts rising once in a while, doubts of why Reita would want someone as imperfect as me, while he is the man of perfection. But now, I couldn’t care any more, because I have all my love ones around me, and I’ll hold on to them for as long as I can live…