faggoty faggot? that's me!
As I sit here in my cool apartment, lazily enjoying my Friday off from work, I marvel at the unmitigated gall in personal ads (m4m ONLY) where the user simultaneously seeks a super masculine partner, temporary or otherwise, but goes out of his way to bash the queens and culturally feminine men he wishes to distinguish himself from. Now, I understand personal ads should list personal preferences and prejudices so potential suitors can understand the perspective of the writer, but when ad after ad features discriminatory speech about how undesirable Queens, Faggoty Faggots, or Bitch Bottoms and Tops are, I can't help but point out this disturbing trend.
Unfortunately, I'm years too late getting off this train of discriminatory practices, for which I apologize. So many queer friendlys before me have pointed out this divisive trend amongst gay men, though more often than not cleverly avoided discussing dyke abuse or transphobias in popular forums. While I have, in general, loathed terms like "st8-acting", "boi", and other damning vernacular queer culture implemented in the last ten years or so, I have not avoided identifying as solely male, mostly gay, and mostly as a top, the latter two descriptions becomingly increasingly hilarious ways to describe my sexual identity. Instead, as queer theory and practices continue to infilitrate my personal life, undermining my credibility as a functioning human being, I am becoming more comfortable with my self and more aware about how personal ads or the online gay community condemns or ostracizes its more...obvious queer brethren.
I am speaking, I hope quite clearly in general terms, about transgenders or genderqueers who cannot choose stealth whenever they wish, big flaming queens and huge bulldog dykes who do not wish to toughen/soften up, queers with disabilities, heteros who think outside static, acceptable identities, and pretty much anyone who cannot or will not stop being who they want to be visually, emotionally, and culturally. For the most part, these individuals are not sought after openly in the popular, mainstream, socially acceptable gay community, and any requests for their company remain anonymous, cleverly worded, or completely private.
Even as I sit here in potentially gay-friendly Cairo, I am not unaware that I am talking about my life back home, where I can safely be a openly gay, middle-class white male in front of police, government, and community. This may limit my access to rights and power if I openly discuss human rights or inclusivity, however. In Egypt, where I've been fairly open with open-minded people, though I haven't walked down Kasr El Aini in drag, it disturbs me that while fear of police brutality or public/family condemnation may force many men to redouble their masculine practices, the discrimination against less masculine men is readily apparent in Cairo, Alexandria, and Middle Eastern personal ads. Currently, I've been unable to uncover whether the gay men persecuted in Egypt for queer practices, like the 52 men from the Queen Boat, were treated harsher if they were less then butch in front of police or in dress. It is obvious from the documentation from that particular event that men in the upper class have been tortured to a less extent than those with less luck in the financial department. Having money to cure what ails you is not an unheard of situation in Cairo, but easy to find discussions of and attempts to help the less fortunate queers are.
I'm still sorting through the huge amounts of information I've recently been privy to, so I'll leave you with a disturbing juxtaposition of personal and community goals:
"i need the str8 acting and looking no girls, no queens, no gays from gays society or going to gay parties. must be str8 acting and looking and nice looking and nice in his inside. have a real feeling and kind man and so manly like me for real friendship forever. "- A ridiculous person
"Masculine ideals have long reigned supreme in male sexual spaces, from the locker room to the tea room, the bars to the back alleys to the beaches. But is there something more brutal and dehumanizing about the calculated hyperobjectification of the internet? How do we confront the limits of transaction sexuality, where scorn becomes “just a preference,” lack of respect is assumed, and lying is a given? "- mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore
~~~~~~~~~
I am a big faggoty work in progress and so is this essay.
Unfortunately, I'm years too late getting off this train of discriminatory practices, for which I apologize. So many queer friendlys before me have pointed out this divisive trend amongst gay men, though more often than not cleverly avoided discussing dyke abuse or transphobias in popular forums. While I have, in general, loathed terms like "st8-acting", "boi", and other damning vernacular queer culture implemented in the last ten years or so, I have not avoided identifying as solely male, mostly gay, and mostly as a top, the latter two descriptions becomingly increasingly hilarious ways to describe my sexual identity. Instead, as queer theory and practices continue to infilitrate my personal life, undermining my credibility as a functioning human being, I am becoming more comfortable with my self and more aware about how personal ads or the online gay community condemns or ostracizes its more...obvious queer brethren.
I am speaking, I hope quite clearly in general terms, about transgenders or genderqueers who cannot choose stealth whenever they wish, big flaming queens and huge bulldog dykes who do not wish to toughen/soften up, queers with disabilities, heteros who think outside static, acceptable identities, and pretty much anyone who cannot or will not stop being who they want to be visually, emotionally, and culturally. For the most part, these individuals are not sought after openly in the popular, mainstream, socially acceptable gay community, and any requests for their company remain anonymous, cleverly worded, or completely private.
Even as I sit here in potentially gay-friendly Cairo, I am not unaware that I am talking about my life back home, where I can safely be a openly gay, middle-class white male in front of police, government, and community. This may limit my access to rights and power if I openly discuss human rights or inclusivity, however. In Egypt, where I've been fairly open with open-minded people, though I haven't walked down Kasr El Aini in drag, it disturbs me that while fear of police brutality or public/family condemnation may force many men to redouble their masculine practices, the discrimination against less masculine men is readily apparent in Cairo, Alexandria, and Middle Eastern personal ads. Currently, I've been unable to uncover whether the gay men persecuted in Egypt for queer practices, like the 52 men from the Queen Boat, were treated harsher if they were less then butch in front of police or in dress. It is obvious from the documentation from that particular event that men in the upper class have been tortured to a less extent than those with less luck in the financial department. Having money to cure what ails you is not an unheard of situation in Cairo, but easy to find discussions of and attempts to help the less fortunate queers are.
I'm still sorting through the huge amounts of information I've recently been privy to, so I'll leave you with a disturbing juxtaposition of personal and community goals:
"i need the str8 acting and looking no girls, no queens, no gays from gays society or going to gay parties. must be str8 acting and looking and nice looking and nice in his inside. have a real feeling and kind man and so manly like me for real friendship forever. "- A ridiculous person
"Masculine ideals have long reigned supreme in male sexual spaces, from the locker room to the tea room, the bars to the back alleys to the beaches. But is there something more brutal and dehumanizing about the calculated hyperobjectification of the internet? How do we confront the limits of transaction sexuality, where scorn becomes “just a preference,” lack of respect is assumed, and lying is a given? "- mattilda a.k.a. matt bernstein sycamore
~~~~~~~~~
I am a big faggoty work in progress and so is this essay.