I won't give up, if you don't give up

[y4yn3wy34r5]

So. . . . . sick. Reason numero uno why you never hang out with the sick kid from work. So I'm terribly confused right now. I like a guy from work. But I'm absolutely crazy about Robert. The few people I have told about liking said coworker just tell me to keep my distance from him, but that's really hard when I have to work with him for like 3 hours on fridays along with seeing him when he works in hardware at the same time I'm in AP. I see him at least 5 days a week, and part of me has no guilt when I hang out with him. But it's not like it's anything serious, at all. I just wish that this wasn't all taking place. I don't even know what changed from just hanging out to liking him as a little more than that. I would never dump Robert to be with him, but the fact that I like him still makes it complicated. Especially when I see Robert. I guess I just wish that things would get better because I still dont know who I am and what I'm going to do with my life. On another note, I'm probably going to lose my job because my grades are slipping. I might just be put onto academic probation, but the odds are against me since my grades have always been low. Applying myself to a certain task has never been easy and losing this job would be the worst thing for me. Can I just break down and cry yet? Can I run away from my feelings, make myself numb, not care about what happens to me and just live in a permanently numb state for the rest of my life? Who would have thought that losing my job and liking Tony would make me feel this way? Not me. Maybe Luck is in my favor and I will just go on probation, maybe I can catch a break for the first time in a long time. Please let them have mercy over in HR. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Help me. Make Tony just go away. Do I want to date him, yeah, he is an amazing person once you get onto his good side. He is funny, he has no problem telling you how he feels, he is actually pretty wonderful. But shh, it's a secret. I honestly have no idea what to do anymore. I was talking to him last night and he was like, I gaurantee you would date me, and I was like . . . . probably not Tony. I don't know. . . . .

Confused, and Drowning