I've become so numb, I'm about to break.
[Disclaimer: For those of you who do not know, I have a mildly self-destructive kind of past, today, we will relive this past with vigor]
Fuck all of this. Fuck this life, fuck this world, and fuck the scars on my wrists. I am so done listening to people bitch about their shitty lives. Why doesn't she just fix her own god damn problems. Stop over analyzing my relationship, stop caring about what people say aobut you, get the fuck over it. Stop making my life more complicated. I just want to go home right now, slit my wrists and feel the blood pool around me. Maybe I need a sense of control in my life. Everything is winding down in to this black pit of despair. I need help out before I take my refuge in the silence. Numbing myself to everybody and everything. Maybe I just shouldn't care about whether I live or die that day. Maybe, it's all just a pointless race to the finish line anyways and I wanna come in first. Help me figure out who I am and why I feel this way. Fuck therapy; been there, done that. Fuck poppin me up on some shitty pills that would force me to be numb all the time. If that's how I already feel, what's the fucking point? Oh wait, there is none. I just want everybody to shut up and stop telling me how I feel and what I think and why I do things the way that I do them. Make everybody just shut the fuck up for half a second so I can breathe! How do I escape this life? I can't. I'm stuck. Helpless. Do I agree with Kara that Robert should let it go? Of CourseI do, Do I agree with Robert that she shouldn't have done what she did? Of course I do. So who's side do I pick? If I pick Roberts, I'm choosing my boyfriend over my best friend, if I choose Kara, Robert never lets me hear the end of it . . . how the FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN!? Why the FUCK AM I EVEN INVOLVED??? I shouldn't be in the middle of this. I hate all of this. I hate how all of this is falling me, like I'm to blame. I don't stand up for her in front of Robert because she is a slut. She is constantly stringing guys along making them think she will be free to do wahtever she wants with them, and then wonders why Chris gets so pissed off about it. She still likes her ex in Midland, she flirst around with Nick Tabadon, She has guys on mysapce that are always hitting on her, and then she wonders why her and Chris have such problems and why I don't defend her when Robert says stuff. Because I know what he's saying has a bit of truth to it. so Fuck it. What do I do???? Things we're so much simpler when I could just go home at the end of the day and cut myself and just watch myself bleed feeling nothing for hours. Oh to go back to that. FUCK I HATE MY LIFE!