(no subject)
Theres too much drama. too much i'm fucking sad/pissed.
You should have seen me today, it was crazy.
i have no school so i'm happy about that but it will be the most boringest day in my life since i've like basically mad at everyone sorta.
Heres the gay story. this is how you will understand it: if you actually dont think i'm the bad guy...now if you think i'm the bad guy in this story....you shall just forget about reading anything else because i'm trying to prove that i'm not the bad guy and shit.
Well here goes nothing
Okay. This morning really started off good actually. i was happy, smiling, and not down.Well so i do what i normally do, walk with sam and erica to sam's locker. Then the bell rings...so we are gettin ready to leave to go back to class and shit. Well sams locker and first hour is all up stairs so me and erica goes back down stairs to go to class and so we walk together down and then we have to go opposite directions to go to our class so i said bye when she was sort of trying to tell me something and i was like sorry but i gotta get to class because of the second bell and i just made it just in time. but thats not the point...the thing is she got all mad that i had to leave to get to class. like hello i already have tardies in there and i do not need a detention so i was thinkin oh she would either write me a note about it or tell me later. Wrong! When first hour is over with we usually see each other in the hallway and say hi and such. but she was pissed and we ignored each other, thats when i actually thought she was mad at me and i just said watever and ignored it til 4th hour. Well then fourth hour came. and i talked to my girlfriend, alyssa...most of you know who and what i'm talking about. hopefully. but yeah. uhh. well i was tellin her about this stuff and such. and so erica happened to walk by and she was like erica come her and erica just effing ignored her and just grr omg that was just rude to do to her. and i was like no no its oka, its because i'm here. watever. then yeah i tell sam before she saw erica and erica told her she wasnt mad or anything...well hello than fucking stupid acting like it! that would help a whole lot dude.but me and sam and kels were being ignored by her so we all just ignored it. but then at lunch she talked to kels and alyssa but not me or sam. so i was pissed but then i walked with alyssa to her locker as usual and then she was like i dont think ericas mad at sam or anything anymore and i was like what? and she told me that they were talking and i looked behind me and see them talking and i got very pissed off because she talked to them all but not me. but then alyssa walked me have way to my class and we made love hah i'm just messing. that girl really knows how to make me smile seriously...no matter wat. but we have a make out spot hahah its funny. i just love her dearly! :) but so on with this dramatic story of mine. so i go to class and blah blah blah and its the end of the day....it went oka. then i pull the car around to the vo tech center to pick up everyone else and we had an extra person in the car so it was absolutely full,(shelly, april, sam,cory, brad, and erica, add me too...) crazy. but yeah.....but after i dropped off everyone(and running a stop sign because my car wouldnt stop on that ice road..i was freaking. damn. it was just crazy i think people should start removing the ice fromthe streets...:-/ ) erica and sam stayed with me while i went go to pick up barb at school. and we were early so sam turned off the music and we were play fighting turnin it off and on because i knew what she was trying to do. and she was like okka guys...stop fighting. jessie, ericas not mad at you and i was like yeahhh okkaaa watever and then she told erica to tell me that she was sorry and that she wasnt mad at me and she said it but it was very low you could barely hear her but sam gave me this note that erica wrote to her but then erica took it out of her hand before she gave it to me and i knew there had to be something in there about me and she gave it to sam like she didnt care if i read it or not so i read it...and yeah yeah yeah so on in the note...at the bottom she wrote about me...i cant exactly remember exactly how it went but this is all i can remember: and i'm not mad at jessie but she can be mad at me all she wants...i dont care...because she always pretends shes mad at us alot and i dont care and it was along that...and sam was like but you arent mad at her and i was hurt when she wrote about me...yeah i know i shouldnt care but still i have feelings to you know? so i said to sam no...actually i am mad at her...and sam was upset i wouldnt just get over it. but then sam got out of the car to go get barb inside the school...then erica goes running after her so i'm left in the car....this is the first time(trust me theres more) thennn lets seee....they come back with barb. and barb happens to know that i was mad at erica and she wanted me to tell her and i told her that she can ask them and watever...so then i was silent on the way home and sam got a call saying she needed to go pick up john and i was on my way to pd. graham sorta so i said i would take him home with her instead of having her walking home in the cold. cause i'm nice like that. so we go and park behind barbs mom teheh. and erica runs out to say hi to ruth and me and sam told barb the whole story sorta ha...and then erica comes back and we kept quiet. and then i saw erica showing her the note...and it seemed like she was showing her the part where she said that she didnt care if iw as mad at her and barb and sam could def. tell that i was upset when i saw her do that...but watever. i dont care anymore bout that. and then sam had to go out and walk by the school to get her brother jon....then its only me barb and erica and ericas talkin to barb so i'mjust listening to music minding my own business...and then barb and erica runs out and start sliding on the ice....and i was sad because they were playing and i would have fun doing that but instead i just sat in my seat waitin for sam to come back so we could leave...then barb runs to the door and it was locked because i didnt want them back in for the moment and she told me to unlock it and i said no and she was like are you mad at me and i said no and then erica calls barb and of course barb goes over there.. yeah watever. and then they come back and then sam finally comes back with jon and we are gettin ready to leave. watever. and then i get home and just walking to my house while everyone was talking to each other and shit and so i just decided hey maybe they wouldnt notice if i just walked in the house and then barb said jessie are you coming over to my house and i said no and she was like dude shes mad at me and i was like omg yeah sure watever...because i wasnt mad at her and she kept thinking that i was when i kept telling her i wasnt and shit. and then i walked in my house and went straight upstairs and find this note when i got on the computer saying: STOP! i first want you to clean the sink and counter in kitchen then clean the bathroom upstair mirror, toilet, sink and dirty clothes thank you. p.s. can you find homes for your clothes on the floor.
*sigh* yeah so i was mad and pissed at everything that went on. and so i just started breaking down soo badly at the computer but i used the rest of the kleenex that was left in the room. and then i heard my dad and i tried to clear up myself then he started yellin at me when i was gettin up to do the sink and he was like ohhh there you are (because i got home late because i went to go pick up barb and my dad wants me home before 3 but i was home late) and he was like so did you go pick up barb again is that why your late and shit and he was like well clean the bathroom now! and i just broke down again cause he is soo fucking blinded....dude so i kept in my crying cause when i break down i gasp for my breath and cant breath its just im crying so hard......and so i run downstairs all the way in the basement to get a laundry because and let it all out down there and came back up like nothing happened and then i was on the floor in my bathroom ballin my eyes out like whoaaa...seriously i never tell anyone that i cry because then they would be like whooaa u cry? because NO ONE has even seen me cry because i dont want them to see me cry and so if i tell them they always play around like its a joke like omg you cried and shit and i fucking hate that...dude everyone cries...and i'm a girl and sure just because i dont show my emotions in front of people doesnt mean i dont do it when i'm not around people....i bet you (sam, barb, and erica that i've cried more than all three of you all together and i know you guys wouldnt believe it, especially you erica. i know you wouldnt believe it. but none of you guys know what goes on in this house, u think you do but really you dont) and yeah...back to the story and im doing my work and then i happen to see that erica barb and sam was playin snowball fight with bryan and you have noooo effin idea how that hurt...they just left me there crying like sam and barb...where were my friends when i needed them? outside playing with the enemy like i dont matter....i feel like they dont give a goddamn about me right now...and i got soo hurt by that, that tears constantly came back again. and i just got back to my work and such....than i came back on here and i've been writing this ever since( it was awhile ago i could tell you that ha.) but yeah then i start talking to jill my best cuz. i love her so much. she was there for me. :) and so was caiti :) <333 they are da best. then my dad starts flashing the light in the hallway cause thats how my parents get my attention when i'm listening to my music loud and when they need me. so i turned down the music and said yeahh and he was like come here right now...and i was like ohhh shit....and i thought i did something wrong once again. like always. and then so i go down and he was like whats up with you today and i said nothing while grabbing pizza(dinner) and he was like oh really nothing? and then i was like yeah because i didnt wanna get in to the whole thing. and then there was silence and i was eating and my dad said did you make a new s/n? and i was like what? and then he was like dont say what like you dont know what i'm talking about!? and i was like gee i DONT know what you are talking about god! and i was like is it the theidioticsister one and he was like yea and i was like thats not NEW thats an old s/n that i dont use...and he was like well i got an email about that and it said that your s/n was on general which means you can go through anything on it. and i was like ohhh oka? and i was like dude wats the problem not like i even use it...and he was mad and i cant remember what else he said and i was like OMFG! i was pissed cause its just adding more pressure to wats going on. so i put my plate in the sink and just walked away and he said something but like i heard him? psh no. and grabbed and drink and started to cry again because im very emotional...seriously i can cry very easily...alot easier than you think. and then GUESS FCKING WHAT? when i get back up here....heres what i find! so then i was like omfg....and added my feelings/crying to that shit along with my dads.
caleigh2009: dudw tf
Auto response from Unsp0ken Secr3t: drama...drama sucks.
i'll be updating my journal and posting the link for the people who cares or watever you want it to be.
jebs are gone. i decided to remove myself.:-\
i've been wondering where my friends are when i need them.(i know where half of them were and such)
jill and caiti are my lovers right now.
but its kewl though...its kewl.
caleigh2009: just b.c im a lil mad doesnt mean u gotta drop out of the jebs
caleigh2009: cut the f*ckin drama!
well yeah so thats what she said...and i was in pain after seeing that she would say such a thing to me like that so i changed my away message to this:
finishing my journal.:-\
damit...alot of people fucking dont understand any shit! they fucking dont know how much they can hurt me. Yes you erica...and my dad.
and i'm crying once again and yes erica you might think i'm such an idiot for that shit...but i dont fucking give a damn!
i hate my life right now..its not even funny. and today me sam barb were suppose to try to stay the night at someones house and such cause we didnt have school tomorrow and i still havent heard from them at all today yet...so i just know thats not happening...and i dont feel like hanging out with them right now anymore. my day was basically just crying and being hurt so i just rather spent the rest of the few hours crying and shit..and having erica, sam and barb being like omg jessie your overreacting and shit like that...but really i dont care...sam and barb has known me for soo long that i'm a dramatic person. there i admit that i'm dramatic and i ALWAYS bring drama in our group...
erica might think that i just want to drop out because i'm mad at her but really...i actually do want to drop out because i've been gettin in to fights with erica with little things and i just sangnsadgansimksdcnoisag yeah watever.
i actually think this entry is long enough. i dont think i missed out a single thing. besides my eyes and my cheeks are like soo dry and shit. i'm just gonna be bored, relax(if i can) for the day...*sigh*
sorry for the longness..seriously. i'm sorry.
This is what i told my cuz...a short story of what happened:
well one of them was in a bad mood and ignored me and my friend sam(hers too) and then at the end of the day she tells me that she isnt mad at me....wtf? you keep them wondering ALL effing day long what they did wrong and then at the end of the day you tell them that your not mad at them or something? so i was like gee thanks for telling me now but your late cause i was mad at her because she was pissing me off and shit...but i'll be updating my journal soon...what about you?
Unsp0ken Secr3t: (thats not even half of the story)
have a good day bye.