What next?
Oh man, what next? I’m so tired and burned out with my job. And yes, I’m looking for a new one but pickings are kind of slim. It’s a lot of part time stuff or work that pays too little or it’s more customer service stuff or all of the above.
Last Monday I had to leave work early, it wasn’t even that bad but I just can’t stand talking to people anymore about their power bills and whatever the fuck else. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from crying. I’m just done, I guess. My anxiety is through the roof when I’m stairs. I’m out of PTO now because I had a friend come visit and my shitty job has been using my PTO on my sick days instead of using my sick hours. Ugh. I hate it so much. The vacation time was nice except for the ever growing dread and anxiety of returning to work.
I don’t even really know what work to look for anymore, I just know customer service and or dealing with customers can’t be part of it. Or needs to be very limited. I wish I had figured out my career path a long time ago or had stuck with film stuff somehow. I really miss film things and I wish I could get back into it and it be lucrative and fun. Some days I’m not even sure I really wanna pursue personal training anymore. Maybe I’m just worn down my the pandemic and feel like I need to find something that’s more secure. I don’t know. My anxiety about all of it makes me procrastinate which just makes it worse of course. I wish I could survive on part time work or like $15-$16/hr, I’d go work at a dispensary but I can’t really afford to live on so little. When I first got hired I was making $16/hr and it was a struggle, I was constantly having to fill the gaps with my savings. The only nice thing right now about my job is that I get to work from home with the cats, who make it easier to get through the day usually.
Blah I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I ought to start playing the lottery while I look for another job, I’d really rather not work at all. Or have enough money so I can work at some job I actually enjoy and not worry about how much it pays or how many hours it has. Maybe I’ll get lucky, who knows.