(no subject)
so two nights ago i had a weird dream
gloria, princeton, chris, and danny were in it
the first part was like i don't know, i think i was sitting on top of a swingset
and then i ended up at like
a street fair or SOMETHIGN i don't even know all i know is we were like in the middle of a boulevard but like no cars just people walking and doing something like some sort of street fair or somethgin? i dunno it was bizarre
and then yesterday
we talked for two hours to one of our swimmers eating disorder therapists.
because we have someone with an eating disorder.
it was weird, to say the least.
and then after, she started crying, and just watching her face was horrible. it was all skin.
and i felt so BAD.
how did no one say anything?
how did we not think it was a serious problem?
i mean, it was already out that it was a serious problem with our coach and with her parents,
but all she really needed was her teammates to tell her
"im worried about you"
not sue to tell her she coudln't swim unless she gained weight
and i felt bad because i of all 12 of us i undersatnd the best.
that all she wanted, all she needed was to be asked if she was ok, to have people say they were worried about her, and she didn't get it, because we were scared. i understand the feeling, because i had it, only a month ago.
and i want you to know im sorry, im sorry that i didn't say anything. im sorry we let it get so far. im sorry, i should have known. im sorry i was scared and iddn't know what to do. but it will be ok. we are here. we are all here. it is our 12 person family.
we had a group hug after. everyone just in one mass. i looked down at the circle of feet and i knew it would be ok. no one ran. we are still scared, but it wil be ok. i hope that everyone is as lucky, to have 11 people who will be there, no matter what.
i used to not like some of my teammates, i used to not fit in. sometimes i still dont, but this was when i realized that i have teammates that are more loyal then anyhting i ever got out of high school.