(no subject)
so i guess this is bad night number two...im getting really good at these. i just dont know anymore...sometimes i just want slit my wrists just to see if ill bleed the way other people do. today my grandfather went to the hospital over in peoria and i dont know if im tore up about it or if i just dont care. i feel all numb inside. hell i feel numb on the outside too. they told my parents if they do anything it will be tomorrow so i dont know what is going to happen. im probably going to sleep through it all so who knows. i cant sleep tonight and i dont know way i mean i freaking tired but its just not happening. normally i just stare at my computer screen and i get tired and i go to bed but not tonight. i talked to dougs erika i think thats how you spell her name...i dont even know the girl that well but i spilled a lot crap into you lap so she could be all supportive or something...i shouldnt have done that because i dont know her like her real friends do. i guess because i brought her up now like infy people are going to be like dont mess with her or dont talk to her or dont be marc with her or something. i dont know how i can do any of those things if i dont know her. maybe thats a good way to keep it. if i dont know her then can just talk about stuff with her and there we go i have someone to talk to that i dont feel like a total retard talking with. i know i have a lot of really good friends that will feel like filleting me because i dont talk to them about stuff but i just cant you know. look a message on myspace from vomit....i like her name its funny....my wow characters name is vomitface....makes me laugh...ok so im going to quit ranting about her now because its going to start to sounds suspect and i dont need to be suspect for anymore things around here. i really wish i would change things that i have done. go back and fix all the wrongs that i have done. i want to say im sorry for everything that ive done that was bad but i dont think it would do any good. i know ive made a lot of people miserable and i guess its my turn again to feel like that. there so has to be something out there like karma just kicking the shit out of people like me. i think im starting to understand why i cant get a girlfriend. its because i fuck them up when i do get them. i wish i could just figure this all out and go to sleep. someone come kick me in the face it will make me feel better maybe even knock me out.