I edited this cause I like it...

[xxxslitwristxxx]

Maybe everyone is right, maybe I did lash out from time to time, but I never meant to hurt my friends, I was just fucked up in my head. Everyone knew that, and dealt with it right along with me. So when I could, I tried my best to listen to everyone, to make everyone happy, thats how grateful I was to everyone that recognized my problem before I did and tried their best to help when they could, or when Id let them. I couldnt stand for anyone else being sadbecause of that... I was always there to help if any of my friends needed me. I put my own personal struggles aside, just to help solve someone elses. So I know I wasnt as bad a friend as everyones making me out to be. What I didnt get, is that everyone who is whining over how I treated them, at one time or another, did the same shit to me. Its mutual. So how am I the one that catches the combined ammounts of shit? How am I all of a sudden going from everyones best friend to everyones mutually hated enemy? Everyone talking shit about me, and that shit gets back to me (I dont mean you by the way). At one time or another I always find out... What no one knows is that, when all my friends graduated, I was left in highschool alone. That was fine. I had my friends outside of school and that kept me sane. Then a few months after I started highschool (12 grade for the second time) everyone just stopped talking to me... That fucking killed me. I had no one, and if it wasnt for my new friends... the ones that REALLY matter... Id be dead. Id have killed myself before graduating. Now remember none of this is directed just at you, its mostly directed at Dan, Dean... EVERYONE that seems to think Im the asshole. Cause if you really listen to my side of the story, youll see how dumb you all sound to me, and thats why I get fucking pissed. But after my "friends" dropped me like that, how am I supposed to just forgive? Im supposed to just go back and watch everything fall apart again? Fuck that, if you ask me its not even worth it. Not even worth the chance.

Seriously though, there are some old friends that I do miss. Just scared about talking to them again. Even though I shouldnt be.

To "someone": You may not know it, but Im hurting right along side you. I hope this passes and you can be yourself again, cause you being happy outside of my life, and me being happy at the same time... it was just something I never saw coming. For some reason we dont talk, and I guess its half my fault, half yours... but Im wishing the best for you. Whether you know it or not. I love ya.