ed talk...shit appointment
soooooooo i am still ill we were meant to be staying at kevs mams tonight loads of family around etc but am still really ill and weak and kevs just getting over his bug so we decided not to go and we will stay friday day/night and see his parents...
i had an appointment today with team, they are worried about my health even though i have gained weight my health is poor, they said i need to be having at least 2500mls of feed and eat what i can on top, but im not really managing food atm, say about 100 a day max, few prawns, (tiny prawns and pickled onions) and they were saying if i keep doing what im doing they are going to admit me for at least a year to try get me to respond to food and not just feed.
I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT DO THIS.
i fucking went off it to put it bluntly .,... im getting married a week on saturday, ok maybe 40kg isnt going to happen so 39 is my aim, but i have gained so much weight but they are so concerned that i havent eating properly in 2 years i have been tube fed since 2011 and i just can not do it, im at a loss i dont want that much feed down me bla bla bla..... i have to have domperidone now as my insides are not working (this med helps ur digestive system speed up) as my insides are basically damaged. i have fucked my body up so much and its so sad as i want kids etc and i havent had a period in about 7 year.
we spent an hour talking about weight/deficit calories etc i try not count cals but we did something on the computer and showed that i need 2500 to maintain at 44kg so i need more feed and food to gain atm, it was all worked out and i was so stressed afterwards i walked straight out met kev (he went shopping in town) and i went to the pub and ordered a double vodka.
i can not believe for the life of me she is talking about admission ... i wont accept this, its coming up too 2013, ive had tube since 2011 but i will not go back in hosp, i couldnt do it to myself or kev so we will see but if they keep talking about it am going abroad before they get a chance, ed isnt MY life, its a huge part of my brain but kev is my life and i wont hurt him like that.
idk what else to say apart from im ill, tired weak (off flu) and im all stressed about all this, i am well cant they see?
i had an appointment today with team, they are worried about my health even though i have gained weight my health is poor, they said i need to be having at least 2500mls of feed and eat what i can on top, but im not really managing food atm, say about 100 a day max, few prawns, (tiny prawns and pickled onions) and they were saying if i keep doing what im doing they are going to admit me for at least a year to try get me to respond to food and not just feed.
I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT DO THIS.
i fucking went off it to put it bluntly .,... im getting married a week on saturday, ok maybe 40kg isnt going to happen so 39 is my aim, but i have gained so much weight but they are so concerned that i havent eating properly in 2 years i have been tube fed since 2011 and i just can not do it, im at a loss i dont want that much feed down me bla bla bla..... i have to have domperidone now as my insides are not working (this med helps ur digestive system speed up) as my insides are basically damaged. i have fucked my body up so much and its so sad as i want kids etc and i havent had a period in about 7 year.
we spent an hour talking about weight/deficit calories etc i try not count cals but we did something on the computer and showed that i need 2500 to maintain at 44kg so i need more feed and food to gain atm, it was all worked out and i was so stressed afterwards i walked straight out met kev (he went shopping in town) and i went to the pub and ordered a double vodka.
i can not believe for the life of me she is talking about admission ... i wont accept this, its coming up too 2013, ive had tube since 2011 but i will not go back in hosp, i couldnt do it to myself or kev so we will see but if they keep talking about it am going abroad before they get a chance, ed isnt MY life, its a huge part of my brain but kev is my life and i wont hurt him like that.
idk what else to say apart from im ill, tired weak (off flu) and im all stressed about all this, i am well cant they see?