life/hen night etc
soooooooooooooooooo...........i dont know where to begin, i have a lot to say but i dont know if i can get all the thoughts in my head out,
WEDDING RINGS ARE IN!!! im going to pick them up this morning nd hopefully be back in time before kev leaves for work.....
AND............. its my hen party tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant wait, im still felling weak nd groggy off flu and chest infection but i am going!!!
i didnt want to go into town, i have not got the energy so my mams having a party at hers, but its going to be me, my 2 sisters (bridesmaids) mam obv, auntie and 2 cousins, so not many but just what i want. close family and the ones i love the most.
there will be food involed, i will nibble on prawns and bit chicken.......its indian hot chicken so i like that i love hot spicy food.(17 cals per chunk)
I am having a tough time mentally i just cant seem to switch off from ed, or rather it wont leave me alone. i try and eat i do but its about 200 calls a day (max) and i cant do more than that so i hate it but the feed is doing all the work for me, i hate being hooked up and obv my head goes crazy with it but i feel like now ive said i will get to 40kg for my wedding there is alot of pressure. todays weight 37.5kg BMI of 14.18 ............. wow thats a big change! BMI of 15 is what im hoping for, well what i said so need to gain to 40kg.
im worried i will look a fat bride, but i know 40 is not fat its just a huge jump from what i know and obv body issues it makes me feel fat, i feel fat no matter what my weight, my bones are still there i can still feel them but they dont stick out so much not like when i was 27kg they are there - i feel them but i have more flesh on me now. and bla bla bla weight etc head etc im just struggling but doing it.
I WISH THEY WOULD LET ME WORK. i feel so useless dont get me wrong i do alot of activity i do all the house work i cooked yday, well made kev a prawn indian meal!! out of jar the sauce but i used my cooker and didnt get it wrong lol.... like i said i do everything in the house, ironing, cleaning etc etc i go out to shops i go see family etc etc but they wont let me work, yes im hooked up thru the day and night but they still wont let me work or volunteer and i feel so useless. I honestly dont know if/how i would cope with it but having an option would be nice.
im weak and tired, i got up at 5:30am so i can do most of house work and have a bath before i go to town. hopefully some rest and shut eye later so im all ready for tonight, my first drink i think will have to be a sex on the beach cocktail (vodka, peach snaps, fresh orange juice and red colouring) i only have one as it has about 150 cals of fresh orange juice, well maybe a 100 but i love them so much and im going to try not count cals etc and just go with the flow.
im still using lax, ive tried to come off them but it just doesnt work and even on 30 etc a day nothing.....im going to speak to my GP about it next week.
ok, i need a drink and a smoke, im reading peeps, i always do...luv yas
ps laura, i hope u get well soon and i love your positive attitude u have come a long way xox
WEDDING RINGS ARE IN!!! im going to pick them up this morning nd hopefully be back in time before kev leaves for work.....
AND............. its my hen party tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant wait, im still felling weak nd groggy off flu and chest infection but i am going!!!
i didnt want to go into town, i have not got the energy so my mams having a party at hers, but its going to be me, my 2 sisters (bridesmaids) mam obv, auntie and 2 cousins, so not many but just what i want. close family and the ones i love the most.
there will be food involed, i will nibble on prawns and bit chicken.......its indian hot chicken so i like that i love hot spicy food.(17 cals per chunk)
I am having a tough time mentally i just cant seem to switch off from ed, or rather it wont leave me alone. i try and eat i do but its about 200 calls a day (max) and i cant do more than that so i hate it but the feed is doing all the work for me, i hate being hooked up and obv my head goes crazy with it but i feel like now ive said i will get to 40kg for my wedding there is alot of pressure. todays weight 37.5kg BMI of 14.18 ............. wow thats a big change! BMI of 15 is what im hoping for, well what i said so need to gain to 40kg.
im worried i will look a fat bride, but i know 40 is not fat its just a huge jump from what i know and obv body issues it makes me feel fat, i feel fat no matter what my weight, my bones are still there i can still feel them but they dont stick out so much not like when i was 27kg they are there - i feel them but i have more flesh on me now. and bla bla bla weight etc head etc im just struggling but doing it.
I WISH THEY WOULD LET ME WORK. i feel so useless dont get me wrong i do alot of activity i do all the house work i cooked yday, well made kev a prawn indian meal!! out of jar the sauce but i used my cooker and didnt get it wrong lol.... like i said i do everything in the house, ironing, cleaning etc etc i go out to shops i go see family etc etc but they wont let me work, yes im hooked up thru the day and night but they still wont let me work or volunteer and i feel so useless. I honestly dont know if/how i would cope with it but having an option would be nice.
im weak and tired, i got up at 5:30am so i can do most of house work and have a bath before i go to town. hopefully some rest and shut eye later so im all ready for tonight, my first drink i think will have to be a sex on the beach cocktail (vodka, peach snaps, fresh orange juice and red colouring) i only have one as it has about 150 cals of fresh orange juice, well maybe a 100 but i love them so much and im going to try not count cals etc and just go with the flow.
im still using lax, ive tried to come off them but it just doesnt work and even on 30 etc a day nothing.....im going to speak to my GP about it next week.
ok, i need a drink and a smoke, im reading peeps, i always do...luv yas
ps laura, i hope u get well soon and i love your positive attitude u have come a long way xox