this is going to be really long.
Wow i have a lot to say about the past two days.Yesterday, Monday, was Coogie's viewing and funeral, and then today was his burial. Today was also mine and Ian's 10 month anniversary. So where do I start...Monday...
My mom wrote me a note to get out of 3rd period half an hour earlier to get home and have time to shower and get ready to go before the private family viewing started at 2 oclock. So i went to the attendance office that morning, gave them my note explaining i needed to leave for my grandfather's funeral,got my pass written by ms.gerken (which was exciting) and carried on.I went back down to the attendence office at 11:30 to sign out and the woman who is always there with really bright blonde hair was like "You're not going anywhere, you're pass was never verified." and I was like um what? And she just kept going on saying how she couldn't find my pass, couldn't contact my mom and i couldn't leave. And I was really getting angry and I was like my mom put her cell phone number on the note and if you need to talk to her i'll just give you the number and she was like no you can't do that.She was like looking everywhere for the note and kept reminding me that I wasn't allowed to leave and I'm standing there practically on the verge of tears and I was like look the reason I'm leaving early is to go to my grandfather's funeral and she completely ignored me then she took my little green pass that got me out of 3rd period, stamped it and gave it to me and I asked if i could leave now and she didn't say anything then sat back down at her computer and I stood there a minute, she took her time looking up, then snapped "I said you could go!".Wow I was seriously ready to climb through the fucking attendence window and punch her.Anyways so I got home the same time I would have if I had left my normal time, thanks to her.So i barely had time to get ready and couldn't shower and rushing under that kind of stress is never fun.So we made the hour long drive to Nonnie's house in Calvert County and I told my mom what happened, she called the school and asked to speak with the attendence lady because she was like outraged that she was being so rude and telling me "I couldn't leave" when it was her own fault she lost my note.The office said she wasn't there but that she would call my mom back on wednesday..so i'm awaiting that.My brother told my mom to give her hell.ANyways.
All of my family assembled at Nonnie's house, then we drove on over to the funeral home.We got there, and I was fine. We went inside the lobby where the director was waiting for us, I looked at the glass birdcage thing filled with canaries and finches for a minute, and I was fine.Then he tells us to start walking down the hallway and I asked my mom where we were going and she said that we were going into see coogie.Something inside of me instantly just knotted and I said I couldn't go in.I stood in the hallway outside the big room his casket was in when they went inside.A few minutes later, I heard Nonnie start sobbing and I don't think I will ever ever forget that for the rest of my life.I've never been so scared or so sad or so upset by anything my entire life.All my life, I've only known Nonnie to be this sweet little woman who always smiles, is always happy and cheerful and bright...but then suddenly, she was sobbing and hysterical and I got so scared so I ran outside and sat in the car and called Ian, who was on his way with his mom to the funeral home.He didn't answer so I left a voicemail and that's when I started crying.Finally he called back and I cried a lot as he talked to me until they got there. The whole time I was in the car people kept coming out to talk to me, my mom, my dad, my uncle dave, uncle steve, my little cousin david, and asking me if I was going to come in. I said i wasn't even going back in the building until Ian got there, and I didn't.Mrs. Slota and Ian went on in the viewing room to see my family and see him and again, I sat out in the hall. I guess to make a long story short, I spent the entire 3 hours of the viewing out in the funeral home hallway. I never did go inside except once to look at his airforce pictures that were at the opposite end of the room from the coffin.I only went in then because by then, there was so many people there that I wouldn't be able to see him. I didn't want to see him lying there, not alive. I don't want that to be my last memory of him, even though everyone said how nice he looked in his airforce uniform with all of his medals and things on. I wanted my last memory of him to be when he was alive and when I was with him.I wished so bad that I could be as strong as everyone else and go inside the viewing room, but I just couldn't.Even just looking right inside the doorway, these horrible apprehensive feelings would wash over me and I couldn't move.When the viewing was over at 5 oclock, everyone moved into the chapel room in the funeral home for the funeral services. I lingered out in the hallway with Ian, debating whether or not I could go inside or not. I was standing at the end of the hallway, staring down it waiting to see them carry his casket into the chapel.I was so scared, I didn't know if I could see it, my heart was like pounding. Then all the sudden they came around the corner down the end of the hall, carrying his casket with the American Flag over it and I just lost it and turned around and looked at the birds and just cried. It was the first time i'd seen the casket, the first thing that hit me that he was actually gone and not coming back. It was powerful. By then I knew I couldn't go into the funeral, my cousins david and maria were going to be saying things, Kathryn was going to sing Ave Maria and O Holy Night and my uncle steve read something and I knew if I heard that, again I would lose it. I can't handle those things and I just wanted to be alone in the hallway. I did hear Kathryn singing which made me cry because her voice is absolutely incredibly amazing.Oh and all the family brought something little to place in his coffin with him.I couldn't think of anything until finally i found this picture of me when i was probably about 3, and I'm sound asleep in Coogie's lap and he's sitting there smiling. I wrote a little something on the back, then gave it to my mom to put with him.After everything there was over, all the family went back to Nonnie's for some food, then we left.That's about all of Monday. It was horrible and so very difficult.
Tuesday..today.Today was Coogie's burial at Arlington National Cemetary (where all of the Kennedys are buried and the tomb of the unknown solder is there).We had to get up at a bit after 5 oclock in the morning.We got ready and left the house at 6.My dad and Austin and I drove to the funeral home (my mom spent the night with Nonnie) to meet everybody there for the funeral procession to Arlington.Ian and his mom came, and a lot of other people came too.I think we probbaly had maybe 12-15 cars full of people altogether. I didn't know it, but my Uncle John had arranged for a police escort all the way to Arlington.That was probably the most amazing/the coolest thing I have ever seen.I felt like we were so...important and special.Two cops in motorcycles went infront, then the herse (which you could see his casket with the flag over it out the back window),then it was my uncle steve (the oldest of the kids), with Nonnie and some other people, then was our car with my family (because my mom is the second oldest), then Uncle John, then Uncle Dave and then everyone else who came and in the back was a third cop on a motorcycle. They had their flashing lights and sirens on and everything.When we got to one highway, there was a police SUV waiting on the side of the road. He had cleared this huge section of the entire highway for us to go through, then he joined the procession and took up the back so the third motorcycle came up front with the other two.It was just amazing..everytime we went through an intersection, even if the light was red, everyone had to stop to let us go through and everyone was staring like it was some celebrity and probably wondering what dignitary was inside the herse (because the flag was over it).When we got closer to DC, traffic on the highway was completely crammed...but it was like the city just stopped for us and moved aside.Cars were parting on either side of the road so we could get through and the cops on motorcycles were literally screaming at people to get out of the way when they didn't cooperate.It was just so amazing.An hour later, we arrived at Arlington, sat around in some building for a bit, then went out into the cemetary in the procession. We pulled up at this pretty old building where the airforce band and a bunch of other military people were standing. Then me, my mom, austin, uncle dave, uncle john, kathryn, david, maria, and ian and his mom got out to walk behind the herse and infront of the procession of cars to go down to the gravesite. The Airforce band was infront of the herse playing this marching sort of thing, it was really somber. Kathryn was crying and we walked holding onto eachother and I kept turning around to look at Nonnie in the car behind us.We got to the gravesite and i think 8 of the soldiers came around to take his casket out of the herse and the band started to play a song and I started getting a little teary. Then we were led to the grave where they had a few chairs for the family, so I sat there with some of my cousins, my mom and her brothers and Nonnie sitting infront of us before the casket. The U.S. Airforce Chaplain read a lot of things about Colonel Thomas Grover Flynn, Jr. aka my Coogie, which was a little emotional but i'm not sure I was even really listening. There were about 7 or so Air Force riflemen standing atop the hill over his grave. They shot off the rifles three times, and that was really beautiful. Then the U.S. Airforce Honor Guards, who were standing around the casket, removed the flag and did this beautiful procedure to fold it up. When the Chaplain walked over and handed it to Nonnie, I started crying and everyone around me I could hear was crying more too.It was just so powerfully emotional because he said that now, the flag represented him and he handed it over to her.I think the band was playing that really sad funeral song then too but once again I can't remember.The Chaplain said this one really beutiful line that was something like "He served in the airforce to honor the Flag and now that he has passed, the Flag will honor him." i'm not sure, it was just so pretty and he said something like he is a fallen warrior.That got me too.It's like growing up, I just knew Coogie as a silly old man who liked reese cups and Snoopy and now all of the sudden I'm realizing what a powerful and important person he was to so many people.Well once the services were over, all of the friends walked away from the grave to stand on the road and the family gathered around the casket. My mom and her brothers each placed a white rose atop the coffin, then the grandkids did. I was the last to go, it was so hard walking up and sitting down this rose and touching the coffin, in my head telling him that I loved him. My dad stood there and held me as I was crying while we all stood around and saw the casket one last time.Then we walked away, I took one final glance back, and then we left...and that was it.That's it.
Well, now i am officially crying. I feel like I haven't cried enough yet because I keep trying to hold it back. I was glad I had on sunglasses during the burial today because I have a thing about not wanting anyone to see me cry.I don't know what else to say right now...besides the fact that I want to go shower then I have to study for my english aacc exam tomorrow evening. That's all.
My mom wrote me a note to get out of 3rd period half an hour earlier to get home and have time to shower and get ready to go before the private family viewing started at 2 oclock. So i went to the attendance office that morning, gave them my note explaining i needed to leave for my grandfather's funeral,got my pass written by ms.gerken (which was exciting) and carried on.I went back down to the attendence office at 11:30 to sign out and the woman who is always there with really bright blonde hair was like "You're not going anywhere, you're pass was never verified." and I was like um what? And she just kept going on saying how she couldn't find my pass, couldn't contact my mom and i couldn't leave. And I was really getting angry and I was like my mom put her cell phone number on the note and if you need to talk to her i'll just give you the number and she was like no you can't do that.She was like looking everywhere for the note and kept reminding me that I wasn't allowed to leave and I'm standing there practically on the verge of tears and I was like look the reason I'm leaving early is to go to my grandfather's funeral and she completely ignored me then she took my little green pass that got me out of 3rd period, stamped it and gave it to me and I asked if i could leave now and she didn't say anything then sat back down at her computer and I stood there a minute, she took her time looking up, then snapped "I said you could go!".Wow I was seriously ready to climb through the fucking attendence window and punch her.Anyways so I got home the same time I would have if I had left my normal time, thanks to her.So i barely had time to get ready and couldn't shower and rushing under that kind of stress is never fun.So we made the hour long drive to Nonnie's house in Calvert County and I told my mom what happened, she called the school and asked to speak with the attendence lady because she was like outraged that she was being so rude and telling me "I couldn't leave" when it was her own fault she lost my note.The office said she wasn't there but that she would call my mom back on wednesday..so i'm awaiting that.My brother told my mom to give her hell.ANyways.
All of my family assembled at Nonnie's house, then we drove on over to the funeral home.We got there, and I was fine. We went inside the lobby where the director was waiting for us, I looked at the glass birdcage thing filled with canaries and finches for a minute, and I was fine.Then he tells us to start walking down the hallway and I asked my mom where we were going and she said that we were going into see coogie.Something inside of me instantly just knotted and I said I couldn't go in.I stood in the hallway outside the big room his casket was in when they went inside.A few minutes later, I heard Nonnie start sobbing and I don't think I will ever ever forget that for the rest of my life.I've never been so scared or so sad or so upset by anything my entire life.All my life, I've only known Nonnie to be this sweet little woman who always smiles, is always happy and cheerful and bright...but then suddenly, she was sobbing and hysterical and I got so scared so I ran outside and sat in the car and called Ian, who was on his way with his mom to the funeral home.He didn't answer so I left a voicemail and that's when I started crying.Finally he called back and I cried a lot as he talked to me until they got there. The whole time I was in the car people kept coming out to talk to me, my mom, my dad, my uncle dave, uncle steve, my little cousin david, and asking me if I was going to come in. I said i wasn't even going back in the building until Ian got there, and I didn't.Mrs. Slota and Ian went on in the viewing room to see my family and see him and again, I sat out in the hall. I guess to make a long story short, I spent the entire 3 hours of the viewing out in the funeral home hallway. I never did go inside except once to look at his airforce pictures that were at the opposite end of the room from the coffin.I only went in then because by then, there was so many people there that I wouldn't be able to see him. I didn't want to see him lying there, not alive. I don't want that to be my last memory of him, even though everyone said how nice he looked in his airforce uniform with all of his medals and things on. I wanted my last memory of him to be when he was alive and when I was with him.I wished so bad that I could be as strong as everyone else and go inside the viewing room, but I just couldn't.Even just looking right inside the doorway, these horrible apprehensive feelings would wash over me and I couldn't move.When the viewing was over at 5 oclock, everyone moved into the chapel room in the funeral home for the funeral services. I lingered out in the hallway with Ian, debating whether or not I could go inside or not. I was standing at the end of the hallway, staring down it waiting to see them carry his casket into the chapel.I was so scared, I didn't know if I could see it, my heart was like pounding. Then all the sudden they came around the corner down the end of the hall, carrying his casket with the American Flag over it and I just lost it and turned around and looked at the birds and just cried. It was the first time i'd seen the casket, the first thing that hit me that he was actually gone and not coming back. It was powerful. By then I knew I couldn't go into the funeral, my cousins david and maria were going to be saying things, Kathryn was going to sing Ave Maria and O Holy Night and my uncle steve read something and I knew if I heard that, again I would lose it. I can't handle those things and I just wanted to be alone in the hallway. I did hear Kathryn singing which made me cry because her voice is absolutely incredibly amazing.Oh and all the family brought something little to place in his coffin with him.I couldn't think of anything until finally i found this picture of me when i was probably about 3, and I'm sound asleep in Coogie's lap and he's sitting there smiling. I wrote a little something on the back, then gave it to my mom to put with him.After everything there was over, all the family went back to Nonnie's for some food, then we left.That's about all of Monday. It was horrible and so very difficult.
Tuesday..today.Today was Coogie's burial at Arlington National Cemetary (where all of the Kennedys are buried and the tomb of the unknown solder is there).We had to get up at a bit after 5 oclock in the morning.We got ready and left the house at 6.My dad and Austin and I drove to the funeral home (my mom spent the night with Nonnie) to meet everybody there for the funeral procession to Arlington.Ian and his mom came, and a lot of other people came too.I think we probbaly had maybe 12-15 cars full of people altogether. I didn't know it, but my Uncle John had arranged for a police escort all the way to Arlington.That was probably the most amazing/the coolest thing I have ever seen.I felt like we were so...important and special.Two cops in motorcycles went infront, then the herse (which you could see his casket with the flag over it out the back window),then it was my uncle steve (the oldest of the kids), with Nonnie and some other people, then was our car with my family (because my mom is the second oldest), then Uncle John, then Uncle Dave and then everyone else who came and in the back was a third cop on a motorcycle. They had their flashing lights and sirens on and everything.When we got to one highway, there was a police SUV waiting on the side of the road. He had cleared this huge section of the entire highway for us to go through, then he joined the procession and took up the back so the third motorcycle came up front with the other two.It was just amazing..everytime we went through an intersection, even if the light was red, everyone had to stop to let us go through and everyone was staring like it was some celebrity and probably wondering what dignitary was inside the herse (because the flag was over it).When we got closer to DC, traffic on the highway was completely crammed...but it was like the city just stopped for us and moved aside.Cars were parting on either side of the road so we could get through and the cops on motorcycles were literally screaming at people to get out of the way when they didn't cooperate.It was just so amazing.An hour later, we arrived at Arlington, sat around in some building for a bit, then went out into the cemetary in the procession. We pulled up at this pretty old building where the airforce band and a bunch of other military people were standing. Then me, my mom, austin, uncle dave, uncle john, kathryn, david, maria, and ian and his mom got out to walk behind the herse and infront of the procession of cars to go down to the gravesite. The Airforce band was infront of the herse playing this marching sort of thing, it was really somber. Kathryn was crying and we walked holding onto eachother and I kept turning around to look at Nonnie in the car behind us.We got to the gravesite and i think 8 of the soldiers came around to take his casket out of the herse and the band started to play a song and I started getting a little teary. Then we were led to the grave where they had a few chairs for the family, so I sat there with some of my cousins, my mom and her brothers and Nonnie sitting infront of us before the casket. The U.S. Airforce Chaplain read a lot of things about Colonel Thomas Grover Flynn, Jr. aka my Coogie, which was a little emotional but i'm not sure I was even really listening. There were about 7 or so Air Force riflemen standing atop the hill over his grave. They shot off the rifles three times, and that was really beautiful. Then the U.S. Airforce Honor Guards, who were standing around the casket, removed the flag and did this beautiful procedure to fold it up. When the Chaplain walked over and handed it to Nonnie, I started crying and everyone around me I could hear was crying more too.It was just so powerfully emotional because he said that now, the flag represented him and he handed it over to her.I think the band was playing that really sad funeral song then too but once again I can't remember.The Chaplain said this one really beutiful line that was something like "He served in the airforce to honor the Flag and now that he has passed, the Flag will honor him." i'm not sure, it was just so pretty and he said something like he is a fallen warrior.That got me too.It's like growing up, I just knew Coogie as a silly old man who liked reese cups and Snoopy and now all of the sudden I'm realizing what a powerful and important person he was to so many people.Well once the services were over, all of the friends walked away from the grave to stand on the road and the family gathered around the casket. My mom and her brothers each placed a white rose atop the coffin, then the grandkids did. I was the last to go, it was so hard walking up and sitting down this rose and touching the coffin, in my head telling him that I loved him. My dad stood there and held me as I was crying while we all stood around and saw the casket one last time.Then we walked away, I took one final glance back, and then we left...and that was it.That's it.
Well, now i am officially crying. I feel like I haven't cried enough yet because I keep trying to hold it back. I was glad I had on sunglasses during the burial today because I have a thing about not wanting anyone to see me cry.I don't know what else to say right now...besides the fact that I want to go shower then I have to study for my english aacc exam tomorrow evening. That's all.