Iron Gland
I'm going to get a job writing motivational shit for those calenders. I'd tell this one great story about the day I was walking home after being out all night with fuck all sleep and these kids started yelling at me. Just the usual weirdo comments, some shit about my hair, but then they decided to follow me and throw skittles. At this point I turned around and argued with them for a while. They eventually walked off and I went home. A few days later I was looking through my bag and I found a skittle they'd managed to land in there. I ate the skittle, and it was delicious. I think this story shows you'll always get a skittle out of annoying kids....or something. The point is it's a very inspirational story and all the housewives will love it.